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| Art by Octavia Wright/Slogan by Erin's Echo & Adrienne Goodwin Litmon of Diamond's House |
“Like a flower, bloom into the beauty
of you…petal by petal. Break the silence! Stop the violence! You are a precious gem”.
~Diamond’s House~
It took many
years, in fact, it takes every day of my life…to break that familiar cycle, but
I am blooming into the beauty of myself. Are you stunned? Is it hard to believe? You
just never know, huh? A person’s history?! What they have been through in life. You sit
and envy them…from the outside looking in…wanting what they have, not aware
that the “beauty” you see is make-up to cover black eyes and bruises. The smile
you see is to cover the insults and belittling. The person you sit next to
everyday could be an abuser or the abused.
In the movie for
colored girls, Jo states that Crrystal was her assistance for over 8 years and
she never knew she was abused. Maybe it is because (1) Jo did not know the
signs or (2) Jo was in denial that she too was being abused and being an
abuser.
There are so many
misconceptions about domestic violence, but the biggest one is IT IS PHYSICAL. Not all forms of
domestic violence are physical. Not all who are abused are female and adult.
YES, men are victims of domestic violence, as well as children. Any form of
harmful control, verbal belittling, pushing, or shoving is abuse. A parent who stays with an abuser, subjecting
their child to the abuse, abuse their children. Ask me how I know? I will tell
you!
from
Dear God: My Life as a stepchild by Erin Adams-Phillips “For some
families, divorce is difficult; however, for us—especially my sister Bonita and
me—it was a relief. Bonita and I are 2 years apart in age and had to rely
heavily on each other in difficult family times. Our bond is very strong; she
is more than my sister, she is my best friend. I can vividly remember how the
two of us would pray to God that our mother would leave our father.
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| Erin with sister Bonita |
Though all of
us have very good relationships with both of our parents today, that was not
always true about our relationship with our dad. For our family, our
parents remaining married was a nightmare. We grew up in a home where there was
domestic abuse—verbally, physically, and emotionally (http://www.examiner.com/x-12866-Domestic-Violence-Examiner )”.
Abuse can affect
a child in many ways. They can become an abuser, become the abused, or just
have un-faced demons from that environment. In the movie adaptation of for
colored girls, when Beau dropped the kids from the fifth-floor window, Gilda
told Crystal she HAD to accept responsibility. It would be up to Crystal how
much of the blame she took, but she was responsible in part for the murder of
her children by the hands of their father.
When is enough
enough? How does one know their breaking point? “What do I do? My children are
depressed and I have nowhere to go!” “I deserve this! I provoked him/her! I
have to do better!” “No one understands!” Don’t judge them! Don’t label them. GIVE THEM
HOPE!
I lived in a home
where domestic violence was like a delicacy. I saw so much domestic violence I
thought it was “normal”. When I first saw two spouses that didn’t fight, I was
like “What’s wrong with yo parents, gull?!” Through it all, I have learned that
being abused doesn’t make a person weak…being an abuser does and there is help
and hope for both the abuser and the abused.
I lost a cousin
in March 1998…yes a MALE cousin. He was killed because “she” felt if she could
not be with him, no one else could be with him. Not his mother; not his father;
not his children—including her own--; not his sisters…brothers…NO ONE…so she
gave our family a life sentence when she took his life from us; the people who
loved him.
How many of you
have buried a loved one because of domestic violence? How many of you know a
person being abused and says, “She must like that shit; she stays!” How many of
you know the stats? Domestic Violence Statistics (2011)
reports,
- Every 9 seconds in the United States, a woman is assaulted or beaten.
- Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
- Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
- Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
- Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
Are you an
abuser? Are you abused? How about someone you know? How many of you know the
signs? HelpGuide.org
(2011) informs us of the signs:
Do
you:
- feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
- avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
- feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
- believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
- wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
- feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does
your partner:
- humiliate or yell at you?
- criticize you and put you down?
- treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
- ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
- blame you for their own abusive behavior?
- see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s
Violent Behavior or Threats Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does
your partner:
- have a bad and unpredictable temper?
- hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
- threaten to take your children away or harm them?
- threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
- force you to have sex?
- destroy your belongings?
Does
your partner:
- act excessively jealous and possessive?
- control where you go or what you do?
- keep you from seeing your friends or family?
- limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
- constantly check up on you?
Can you see them?
Hear them? Their cries? Their whispers? Will you help them?
I will help them.
“Until violence stops, Diamond’s House will be there to offer SHELTER and HOPE!”~ Diamond’s House, Inc. ~
As a volunteer of
Diamond’s House, I have joined in the fight to break the silence and stop the
violence. I ask each of you to join me by becoming a sponsor to Diamond’s House
or any organization that offers that hope to a person in distress. All we have
are each other. Help someone to bloom into their beauty.
Diamond’s House is an all
volunteer organization and a 501(c)(3) non-profit corporation with the IRS. All
donations are tax deductible under the federal law.
Phone: (757) 535-0924; email: DiamondHouse01@gmail.com; website: www.diamondshouse.org; or mail: Diamond’s House Inc.—P.O. Box 7697,
Portsmouth, VA 23707.
Let’s fight the
good fight TOGETHER to break the silence and stop the violence! You are not
alone!
Further reading suggestion: http://adriennelitmon.blogspot.com/
Erin
Adams-Phillips ©2011. Erin’s Echo. All rights reserved.
