I often
speak on how I don’t care to follow society norms. I am humbled to have been
asked a double question by one of my loyal readers: (1) Erin what exactly
do you mean when you write “society norms”? I answered that question via
email…then I was asked (2) well, why is there so much pressure on us (men) to
get married by our girlfriends? Answer that one on your blog…we will be
reading, please!
My general
explanation of society norms is that they are determined by ancestral cultural
practices and emerging trends of present-day society. For every ounce of life, society determines
what is “normal” for their country. Albeit, this may differ in the same country
for race, ethnicity, gender, and age. Society has pretty much determined
everything from social class to disturbing behaviors. They did not leave one
stone unturned.
In the
United States, it is normal for children to go to school…continue on to
college…get a job…get married…have babies…you know; the norm? However, in some
countries, children leave school to marry young or to help with the family
finances by working a job…many as young as 12 years of age. That is not
“normal” for our culture; however, our culture is not normal for the cultures
of other countries.
Conditioned Thinking: Because norms are defined by
society, most of us are conditioned to think that what is “normal” is right.
However, my “normal” may not be your “normal”, and the difference in normality
opens the door for the uninvited guest—contradiction. Two of the most popular
contradictions in America are having children and marriage.
It not uncommon
for people (so be they are single or married…male or female) to oppose having a
child. Some people are more career-focused and goal-oriented and feel that a
baby will hamper that drive. Some people just like to travel or be free to go without
worrying about a babysitter. Many do not want the responsibility of raising
children. Still, others feel they are
not parent material or refuse to bring a baby into this troubled world. Yet, the conditioned thinking birthed from society
has people asking, “You don’t want kids?
What’s wrong with you?” The answer is, “Nothing, I am just wise enough
to know I do not want to restrict self to be a mother/father”.
Just like
it is natural for some people to not want to assist God in the miracle of
birth, likewise, it is natural for men and women to desire to become one unit
by becoming wedded husbands and wives. Marriage was designed by God. “Then
the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a
helper who is just right for him” (Gen 2:18, NLT). God goes on to say “He who finds a wife finds a good
thing… (Prov 18:22, ESV). “This explains why a man leaves his father
and mother and is joined to his wife” (Mark 10:7, NLT).
 |
| "..and the two shall become one flesh" |
No matter
how many people you know who get a divorce…no matter how many people you know
who cohabitate…the desire to become one unit…one flesh…lawful, wedded husband and wife will always be center-heart and forefront. Women want to marry because IT IS NATURAL. They
don’t want to marry to lay claim…they want to be that helper God made just for
man.
I will say
this, marriage is the arrangement designed by God for a man and a woman with
God. Marriage is not easy…but when you allow God into a marriage, the
3-stranded chord makes your marriage THAT much stronger.
Should men
be pressured to marry?
NOT at all!! In any arrangement, if you do something you
are not ready to do, 9 times out of 10 it will FAIL. Women, you have to
accept what is being given to you and act accordingly. If you want marriage and
he does not, you can either stay stuck in the dead end relationship or
recognize your worth and leave (this is vice versa). Too, read carefully the
scripture at Genesis …the key words are “just right for him”. Man desires a
woman that compliments him. If you are in a relationship and the man does not
want to marry, maybe he wants marriage, but not to you or maybe he likes the
marriage lifestyle without the commitment. In order to know, you must ask and
then act.
I will ECHO this to both man and woman…it is
BETTER to be single and lonely than married and miserable!
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