...when he doesn't love you back

© 2012 Erin's Echo. Erin Adams-Phillips. All rights reserved.

 There are many things in life I am unsure about—not one of them is love.

We often tell people things about themselves that they are totally in-tuned with. They don’t need the answer—they already know. You don’t need to smoke. You don’t need to drink. You don’t need to gang bang. You don’t need to use profanity. You don’t need to worry about that when you are sick! You just need to take care of yourself.  He/She doesn’t mean you any good! You want to be up shit creek without a boat and a paddle. You don’t love him and he doesn’t love you! You got played.

~Brakes screech~ I do love him. One thing I am never unsure of is who I love and how I love, and totally HOW I HURT. I’m also very aware that loving someone does not mean they will love me back. Everyone will not always be to you what you are to them. What do you do?

Some people want love to be private. They often say, "...you speak of your business too much out loud. People don't care". For me; damn people. 

 "...I tell what I want told. When someone asks about something I don't want known, I tell them that is uncharted territory. If they assume, dare I say lie, that really is not my concern; for it's none of my business what other people think about me." ~from a Sinner's Soul by Erin Adams-Phillips~

~trying to figure out the condition of one's thinking always fail! I prefer to let one know what I'm thinking and who I am...no guessing...no wondering...no worries. I'm a no non-sense, outspoken, straight shooter. Only you determines the target of my arrow! ~Nire Smada

With Erin, you never have to play Russian Roulette or Ring around no damn roses! I'm a big kid, but some games are not for adults!

"I keep coming back to you in my head, but you couldn't know that, and I have no carbons". ~Adrienne Rich

There are no carbon copies of my mind's thoughts…so how are you to know I think about you. You surely won’t believe me. 

Love is different for each person. I have people I love because love is natural. I have people I love because they’ve been supportive of me…a deeper affection than natural love. I love my children…that love cannot be compared. I love my mother ~smiling~  ~laughs~ okay, so I’m in love with her. I’ve tried hard not to be, but it is impossible. There is intimate love…not desire…LOVE. The feeling of loving someone, wanting to be intimate with that one and that one ONLY…wanting to share everything with that one…that is a love like no other! That is a love where there can never be any doubt.

Love doesn’t hurt. It feels so good. It makes you smile and skip for no reason at all other than you are loved.

No, no, love may not always be right, but one thing I am certain of is when, who, why, and how I love.

My head hurts....my eyes want to cry to release the tension. The thought of the warm, clear liquid streaming down my face haunts me. I refuse to cry. I allowed myself to feel today...to cry...to need to lean on someone....give up my Wonder Woman powers and be comforted by my superman...but as usual expectations causes disappointments.  So I did what I do best..put back on my bracelets to guard my heart...my tiara to protect my brain...comforted my friend who lost her sister to death...oiled my kids hair...cleaned...reached out to the cyber world...did homework and imagined my life in harmony with my WHO...people tell me I'm like my Mon and that Wonder Woman, like she ended up alone...from here on out my reply will be THANK YOU verses I know. Why? It’s better to be miserable and alone than miserable and loving someone who doesn’t love you back.