©Erin’s
Echo. 2012. All rights reserved.
You
would think by now we had beaten the odds. How many times can one couple
separate, file for divorce, cancel proceedings, and continue on in love and
matrimony? The matrimony part is easy.
The loving part is easier, when you are happy—happy with self and happy when
times are good.
How many times do I forgive? What do I forgive? Should I stay? Should I go?That is when I stand in front of the mirror and recite one of my favorite scriptures, Colossians 3:13—
“Continue
putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a
cause for complaint against another. Even as Jehovah freely forgave YOU, so do
YOU also”. ~New World Translation~
Many
relate this scripture to their spiritual brothers and sisters; while that is
accurate, it can totally be used for marriages—after all, this is the
arrangement designed by God.
Still,
we separated again. This separation was different from all the others. The
first two separations, my husband left me. I have never left my husband. The
third separation was a mutual agreement between the two of us. Separation
number one was due to lies, denial, lack of trust, and yes, infidelity.
Separation two was due to lack of communication and spousal neglect. Separation
three was because of lack of support, ineffective communication, and not
valuing the institution of marriage. When you allow other people into your
marriage, you weaken the bond joined by man and wife.
How
did we determine if our marriage was solid: concrete, water, sand, or
quicksand!? Simple; it is not complicated at all. I state all the time, we were
born with the natural affection to love, hate is symbolic for confusion, and I
don’t care is symbolic for I don’t care; but
intimate love…loving someone like no other…the feeling of being in love is
simple. If you can’t see yourself happy without them; if you cry when you think
of the goodness you felt while with them; when you see them, you want to hug
them and take away your pain while healing their own…if you know you have not
put your best-foot forward, given 100/100, then it is possible to reconcile
(this is not always true for every marriage).
The divorce rate is so high today. In 2010, in the United States alone, there were 2,096,000 marriages and 872,000 divorce/annulments (CDC/NCHS, 2012). Why? In most marriages today, spouses decide not to fight for their marriage; they give up, because they become selfish—self-involved, “[People] will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty…unthankful, disloyal, having no natural [or, familial] affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:2-4, New World Translation).
They
feel divorce will make them happy. They see freedom in a world full of single
people and they desire it. These are simply temptations. We seek guidance from
family, friends, therapists, but not from God. Some of us are being misguided,
misled by the desires of the unmarried world. We become selfish in our thinking
and move from what “we” need to what “I” need. Mostly, those “needs” are
“wants”. Selfish wants that arise from temptations. You see a woman or man…a
lifestyle “you” don’t have and “you” want it. You don’t pray and ask to be
delivered from temptations. So when an adulterated thought turns to chance,
most of us act on it and we learn that the grass is not always greener (be sure
to read my essay in my upcoming memoir: When
the greener grass turns blue).
In
my marriage, and I can speak for both Phil and I when I state this, we have
felt unsupported, unloved, un-united, disrespected, & the one I am about to
state now is common in marriages today, UNAPPRECIATED!
These
feelings of neglect can lead to unlawful relationships, infidelity, and
distrust. You can have an innocent relationship with someone of the opposite
sex, but feel guilty so you try to cover and it comes off as “sneaky”…ungodly.
Is
our marriage solid now or is it hollow? My answer, my marriage is my marriage.
Besides what I voluntarily share, nothing else is of anyone’s concern and we are not concerned with what anyone else think. It is
hard work, but I don’t do easy and I always remember that, “Above all things,
have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be
hospitable to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4: 8-9, New World
Translation).
In
our home, we keep a family photo/scrapbook. There are like 3 pages dedicated to
our marriage, and things we must do to fireproof (envy proof...gossip proof...trick/mutt proof) our marriage. I read these at
least once daily. Are we good now? Will we separate again? Possibly divorce?
Thank you for reading...I love yous!
Connect With ERIN:
Connect With ERIN:
Some of my favorite scriptures:
Scriptures
to keep in mind about love & marriage:
It
is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for
him, as a complement of him.”—Genesis 2:18
Hence
Jehovah God had a deep sleep fall upon the man and, while he was sleeping, he
took one of his ribs and then closed up the flesh over its place. And Jehovah
God proceeded to build the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman and
to bring her to the man. Then the man said: “This is at last bone of my bones and
flesh of my flesh. This one will be called Woman, Because from man this one was
taken.” That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must
stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.—Genesis 2:21-24
“What
God has yoked together let no man put apart.”—Matthew 19:6
“Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”—1 Peter 4:8
“Let
all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech
be taken away from YOU along with all badness. But
become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one
another just as God also by Christ freely forgave YOU.”—Ephesians
4: 31, 32
Marriage
and Commitment
Unselfish
Love “In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself, for
no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it…” Ephesians
5:28, 29
Building
a Foundation “According to the undeserved kindness of God that was given to me,
as a wise director of works I laid a foundation, but someone else is building
on it. But let each one keep watching how he is building on it.”—1 Corinthians
3:10
Submission
“YOU wives, be in subjection to [your] husbands, as it
is becoming in [the] Lord. YOU husbands, keep on
loving [your] wives and do not be bitterly angry with them.—Colossians 3: 18,
19
Obligation
“What you vow, pay. Better is it that you vow not than that you vow and do not
pay.”—Ecclesiastes 5: 4, 5
Teamwork
“Two are better than one…for if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up.”—Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10
Self-Sacrifice
“There is more happiness in giving than there is receiving.”—Acts 20:35
Longevity
“Love…endures all things”—1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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