© 2012. Erin’s Echo. Erin Adams-Phillips. All rights
reserved.
Every little girl dreams of Prince Charming and a fairytale
wedding. Walking down a white-runner aisle laced in rose petals with all eyes upon
her...admiring her. Today she marries her friend, but tomorrow and the next
tomorrow is when the test of compromise and compassion begin. You are now man
and wife. You can kiss the fairytale goodbye. Or do you?
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| Erin & Phil, 1994 |
Many may not understand that marriage is an
institution...an arrangement designed by God. When you hear the word
institution, do you not immediately think insanity, education, ...money?
Arrangement...an agreement...organized, well thought out plan...arranged so it
is effective. A flower arrangement. Growth.
For better and for worse. For richer and for poorer. In
sickness and in health. I will honor this arrangement until departed from my spouse by death (physical death, emotional death...physical of course).
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| ~with liberty & justice for all...wait wrong topic...I DO~ |
After three (yes 3) separations and filing for divorce, I was ready to pass out the invites to my Divorce reception; and Phil, well, he was ready to attend. He had the audacity to ask me, "How many people can I invite, Dee?" ~scoffs~ I'm the Bride-to-un-be, you are not stealing my show! ~dang~
Really, I told him we would do everything in reverse order. The DiMarriage would take place in a funeral home...he picked Montgomery, Alabama for location to be fair to traveling relatives. His family would sit on my side...my family would sit on his side; we would have funeral songs played, "The Works I've Done"...we would say our eulogies...and my Daddy would hesitate on taking me back because, "I ain't neva gave hurr away!" My Mahm would roll her eyes and say, "I take my baby back!" Daddy would be asking is that gonna cost him any money, "Ain't it cheaper to let him keep hurr?" I would give him the evil , spoil eye.
Phil sisters would be like, "Heyyyy" and blowing out the unity candles. My sister would be taking notes on how to have a bigger DiMarriage and reception than me. It would be all in the name of love!
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| Headed out to celebrate 9th Wediversary 2009 |
However, we never made it! ~kissteeth, roll eyes~
For the second time in our 12 year marriage, we cancelled divorce proceedings. Now, get this, we have been together 18 years. We married in 2000,but we separated in 2002 for almost 4 years. Yes, we did...we were dating each other and working on self and marriage and we reconciled in late 2005 and relocated to Ohio in 2006.
It was good...it was so good! We were both so happy. Then along comes sickness. Sickness brought along poorer. Poorer invited worse. Battling depression from losing my Auntee and best friend to death in the span of 6 months sent me to a place...a dark place...a lonely place. I neglected my husband. I was a functional zombie. I yelled, cried, and embraced myself in a fetal position until I found sleep. Eventually, he left. I didn't care. I'm not even sure I noticed.
We were separated and I had not told him about my health issues. I totally forgot I had his sister listed as a point of contact. Well, my doctor office called his sister looking for me and that is how Phil found out I had taken a biopsy and it was inconclusive and they would need to schedule me for a tissue sample biopsy. I decided to keep my plans to visit my family in Alabama for the holidays. It is like 2008 now. When I got there, I told them I was sick and having test ran. My sister, Bonita is the only one who knew I was sick before I told my family.
Stay tuned to part 2 of "every little girl dreams" to read about yet, another separation and how we determined if our marriage was solid: concrete, water, sand, or quicksand!
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