…self-evaluate your parenting: for the love a child

©2012.  Erin’s Echo. All rights reserved. 

19 April 1998—the most beautiful little girl was placed into my arms…after 72 hours of hard labor, I held her BRIEFLY and commanded the nurse give her to her father. Within nanoseconds I was asleep and fondly remember waking up in my hospital suite ringing the nurse, “Where is my baby? I want my baby!” I kept her in the room with me all night—adoring her totally!

Being the youngest child of 8 children, I have to admit, I am “kind of” spoiled. Not spoiled in a materialistic kind of way…I didn’t grow up financially rich, only rich by being taught the knowledge of God (that is wealthy) and rich in love. I was spoiled with affection and being told that I can be and do anything I wanted—I was my only limitation.

MyADA--1st born daughter

Once you decide to bring a life into this world, YOU are responsible for that life. That means not only taking care of that child financially—food, clothes, and shelter—it also means YOU are responsible for that child’s emotional and mental well-being. It means that every decision YOU make in life affects that child…it means that YOU can longer be selfish and say, “What about ME?” YOU gave the “all about me” syndrome up when you decided to bring a child into this world. 

In difficult times, especially those of self-destruction, you have to evaluate YOU and stay AWARE…ensure that situations, good for you or bad for you, are not HORRIFIC for your child. Parents claim they will “die for their child”…if someone mess with your child, you are ready to kick ass like there is no tomorrow; yet, YOU will keep your child in an environment that corrupts them both emotionally and mentally. When and where does the cycle end? 

The life you live, would you want that life for your child? If you could bottle the pain you have felt as a child…as a woman, as a man…and break it so that it never reaches your child, would you? Would you protect them at all costs? 

At the age of 10, I can remember my Mahm taking my sister, my brother, and me…loading us into the car…leaving behind all of her material possessions for the sake of her sanity…her life…our emotional and mental protection. She started over…she did not look back. Did it hurt her? YES!!! Did she cry? Many nights. Did she survive? She sure did. 

KerriBerri--my Babygirl

Being a parent means you cannot be selfish…you have to find a way to channel negative energy and unhealthy ways of life into positivity. You have to guide and direct your child by EXAMPLE. Child rearing is the epitome of “monkey see, monkey do! It is that simple. It is not complicated. Children are not BLIND. They see your pain. They feel your hurt. They ARE affected by it.

If you have your child living in an environment that will leave them with permanent scars—whether it be physical, sexual, mental, or emotional—and you are AWARE of this…YOU are the abuser of your child. It is NOT FAIR to them to have to endure abuse and/or neglect because of your selfishness. 

Self-evaluate…get help…take action…and be responsible for all that you do—your child will thank you and most importantly, your child will RESPECT that you loved them enough to deliver yourself and them from evil.

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...blame it on the rain



Our children: Kerri, Tori, Whit, Kenn, & DJ
Grandson: Reno

                                                                

Parenting is a learning experience and who is better to teach parenting besides your own children? Over the last two days, I have had the opportunity to talk with others about our youth. When it comes to our youth, especially our own offspring, we are too quick to place blame on their bad habits. It's almost like Milli Vanilli, Blame It On The Rain...parents have to blame their children's poor manners, disrespect, and all things unwarranted on something [just as Milli Vanilli blamed their lip-synching on the rain; the rain doesn't mind; right?]. Remember the infamous tag line, "whatever you do don't put the blame on you"? WOW!

I think today, that is the parent anthem for some parents. Noticed, I stated "some"! The parents I am referring to are just that "parents"...they do not parent, they just own the title PARENT, because they have children. Please allow me to say, that even an active, involved parent who understands that children DID come with a guidebook (really? yes, it is called the Bible) will still lose a child to society's ugliness. The only difference is, an involved parent can say, "I tried! Lord knows I tried!"

Now, those pseudo parents...who only want to step up when times get rough for the child and the blame is placed on the media, networking sites, video games, music, radio, videos, and television, cannot even see the error of their own ways.

How often do you spend quality time with your child? Do you date your child? Do you tell your child he/she is handsome/beautiful? Do you display affection? Do you discipline your child in love and in righteousness? When was the last time you made yourself visible at your child's school? Do you have open communication--a time where the child can sit with you and talk to you without fear of reprisal?

Before any of the debates, which were all healthy, took place, I had a section in my upcoming book release, Broken Angel, about parenting and role models. Instead of writing a 5-page blog, I would like to share part of Lessons from my Mother with you. ~~~~

Erin Adams-Phillips. 2010 © Broken Angel. All rights reserved.

Lessons from my Mother

a chapter from—Broken Angel

Part 3—I am Queen

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others." ~ Dr Sonya Friedman~

I am a role model. A motivator. An inspiration. I am a Mommy. Raising a teen and a tween daughter is not easy in a time where society equates sexiness of a female with half-naked style dress and blonde hair. Almost every little girl envies Nicki Minaj. “My Mommy doesn’t like Nicki Minaj!” they say. Their friends immediately perceive me as old or lame. It is difficult for me to make an eleven and a thirteen-year-old understand that I don’t dislike her person. I don’t even know her person. However, Nicki Minaj, the entertainer, is EVERYTHING I don’t want my daughters to be. Sure, I want them to be their own person; search and define their own WHO, but I would be less than a mother, less than a woman to not teach them the values…the standards I feel that are important for them to grow and succeed as young ladies turned women…my princesses turned Queens.

Now, some may argue that I have double standards. Why? I love Beyonce. No, not Beyonce the person; I don’t know Beyonce the person. However, I do like Beyonce the entertainer. Growing up, my own mother loved Tina Turner and she still does as do I, but she would not want me listening to Millie Jackson. Regardless of what entertainer, model, actress, poet…that is all exempt, because no matter how many times a parent say, “Do as I say, not as I do,” the way you treat yourself…the way you respect yourself…the way you allow others to treat you…allow them to disrespect you….is all that matters in the wandering eyes of a child. What I stand for is not a life-time contract that my daughters will follow me; however, they will be able to look at me and say, “My Mommy is my role model”.

I am not delusional. I am not without fault. I have my demons. I sin. I have been accused of telling my daughters too much about LIFE or being too RAW with them about life. Every child has a unique relationship with his/her parent. All of my life, people have tried to break me. Some succeeded. Most did not. I was unaware of so many things in life. I was sheltered. I accepted and allowed behaviors from men and women alike that I would die for if I can save my children from that pain. We are born into a world of sin, yet, we are born innocent. As infants we have no knowledge of right and wrong. We are taught about life. We learn life and survival skills from what we see. Our habitat. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that only physical illnesses are genetic. Mental illnesses…emotional illnesses….financial illnesses….spiritual weaknesses are hereditary. Please know that I’m not placing blame on the parent. I know parents who were pure or as close to pure as a sinner can be…including my own mother. Still, I strayed. My siblings strayed, but NOT without a conscience of right and wrong. We knew better. So, are we as parents fighting a losing battle? No, we are guiding our children in the direction we feel are best for them to travel. Are we accurate? No; of course not. When humans lean upon their own understanding that even they don’t understand, the only route is to fall short. I am a confessed sinner. I am an unbaptized believer. What am I teaching my kids? I love God but not enough to dedicate myself because of the world’s impurities that give me temporary satisfaction? That it is okay to believe in God, because He is understanding and forgiving? You can have faith without works? Scoff.

I equip them with the knowledge of God.  What I have learned is that they, too, inspire me the same, if not more, than I hope to inspire them.  ~~~~~~~~

To my readers, we live in an era where the media has much influence on society and society sets the norms. TV, radio, music, movies, video games, and yes, even networking is about what sells...what profits! My upcoming blog for tomorrow, clueless, classless, or confused, actually goes into this topic so I won't dwell on it; however, keep in mind, as parents, we have a responsibility to our children. Sex, violence, and drugs sell; therefore, that is what profits and that is what the media, radio, TV, videos, and music produce! Accept responsibility for your own actions or lack thereof. The rain, no it doesn't mind. It has no knowledge...no conscience, but the Creator of rain, the One who makes it rain upon the righteous and the unrighteous, minds...because in hindsight, you are placing the blame on Him.

Music for today, Billie Holiday's God Bless the Child