Illusions: I Awake

from Weaning My Woes II: This is the Remix


~for Phil, Kennedi (MyADA) and Kerrigan (KerriBerri)...it is not easy loving me, but someone has to do it; I thank God that it is you, you, and you~

© 2010 Erin Adams-Phillips ~ Weaning My Woes II : This is the Remix

My eyes flutter and I awake
to him staring down at me
Hand on my chest
Cold towel on my head
He smiles, I smile
As he positions my head in the nest of his arms
he inhales the scent of me, as if it is his last time
I sleep

My eyes flutter, I awake
To her little dark eyes
With the perfect slant just standing over me
I smile; she waves
I glance over at him; finally asleep; softly snoring
She positions herself in the chair next to my bed
My remote in hand, my saltines in her lap, and my ginger ale on the table
She wraps her body in my dull-red throw
She smiles; I sleep

My eyes flutter, I awake
I see the sweetest little PrinceAsse,
holding the cutest little pup as they sit at my laptop
I smile, she speaks, “Hey, Mommy!” He sniffs
I instantly look over for him, but beside me lies she
Sound asleep, wrapped in my dull-red throw
Her chin rests on her hands
She breathes out a saltine breathe, I inhale it,
As if it is my last time
And she stirs but returns to quiet slumber
I give my attention back to her; I smile
She asks, “Want me to run you a bubble bath, Mommy?”
My heart smiles, my head nods “yes”
I sleep

Sweet dreams, Dear Erin; tomorrow is a new day!

She wakes me gently, “Mommy, Come on!
I have your water, just the way you like it!”
I smile

I find a text in my celly from him
“Babe, you were sleeping, didn’t want 2 wake u. At work.”

I smile

As I emerge my body into the hot water full of vanilla and white tea Vaseline beads
And warm vanilla sugar bubbles
I release my pain, my tiredness, my weakness, my burdens to the heat
I look at her sitting on the toilet looking at me
We smile

The phone rings, and she awakes
Realizing I am not there and she yells, “Mommy!?”
The smaller version of her rolls her eyes and yells,
“She’s in a bubble bath!”

I chuckle, she enters, rolls her eyes at her mini-me
She looks at me, she smiles

“Dad is bringing food.”
I nod; I smile

She sits on the side of the tub, lathers my sponge
with warm vanilla sugar shower gel
She gently washes my back and my shoulders

I sigh; I moan
The warm water on my ailing body
Feels better than good

I relax as they smile

As I am drying, they switch my bed sheets, make my bed
Preparing my sanctuary for my rest
I sit and brush my teeth
While she brushes my hair
her mini me lotions my legs and arms
We smile

I laugh as I notice today, they have selected Mickey Mouse
I roll my eyes and shake my head
They laugh

I dress in black and red Mickey Mouse PJs…
One of my many Looney Tunes' collections

I am TIRED, I crawl under my smoke gray and dull red covers
He enters
LaRosa’s! Pizza and salad for them…soup and salad for me
I eat just enough to medicate
He brings in my barf bucket…freshly washed and clean
With the aroma of Lavender scented Mr. Clean with Febreze
I inhale the calming scent as if it is my last time

They bring me saltines and ginger ale
I smile; they smile
I sleep

My eyes flutter and I awake
To him staring down at me
Hand on my chest
Cold towel on my head
He smiles, I smile
As he positions my head in the nest of his arms
he inhales the scent of me, as if it is his last time
I sleep