Erin's Echo: March 2012

Thursday, March 29, 2012

…the need to prevail: the Trayvon Martin murder

Justice for Trayvon Martin--RIP

I have been asked by family, friends, and colleagues alike why I have not blogged on the Trayvon Martin story. My answer remained the same, “…the audience that needs to read it won’t be reached”. Was that an answer or an excuse? As a writer, my goal is to reach someone and teach anyone…through experience, reflection, or cause. After conversing with a colleague, I decided it is my duty as a writer to blog on the Trayvon Martin murder.

As AIN recruited members and fans to stand in the line of justice. I was humbly and simply reminded that I grew up in an era where “it took a village” and in order to receive justice for Trayvon Martin, we must become part of that village. The message that needs to be delegated is not about AGE…it is not about GENDER…it is not about SOCIAL CLASS…it is not about EDUCATION…it is not about RACE…it is about RIGHT and it is about WRONG; regardless of how ANYONE looks at it, the death of Trayvon Martin is WRONG…this was more than a tragedy, this was a CRIME. To add insult to injury and make a mockery of justice, his murderer walks free while his family mourns their son, pays respect to his memories, and fight for their rights not only as American citizens, but as humans!

It is ironic the quote I am going to use is by one of my favorite poets who passed away 27 March 2012, Ms. Adrienne Rich, “I came to explore the wreck…The words are purposes…The words are maps…I came to see the damage that was done…and the treasures that prevail’.

The wreck is the murder of Trayvon Martin…it must be explored! Our words of purpose are words for justice for Trayvon…the words will be the map to ensure no other family has to endure this injustice and affliction…we have seen the damage this has done—a child is dead! Hear our words…hear our outcry for JUSTICE…our treasures that must prevail is that we are one…we are united…Justice must prevail!

What message is the State of Florida sending to its citizens? That "stand your ground" is legal license to shoot whoever you want? That skittles and tea are weapons? Justice is served when an Officer of the Law steps down (temporarily may I add)?

How does the US Department of Justice defend this mockery? By allowing the “Stand Your Ground Law” to be a reason to kill someone—an innocent person? Yet, when we speak out, our Freedom of Speech is considered offensive? That Trayvon is not equal to Zimmerman…his life was not as important? After all, he looked suspicious; right? Stand your ground!

Dr. Sachs writes, “The tragic reality of the world's biggest corrupt legal system -… YOU could be the next victim on USA territory - innocent and sent to prison, or strapped to a table and put to death; or robbed of your life…”

Treasures that prevail!

The US is telling us, if it isn’t broke, why fix it? If it works for most, it works. Tell that to Trayvon’s mother and father! Tell that to the parents triple-checking their kids to see if they look “suspicious” before they leave home. Tell that to the parents who are now afraid to even give their child a cell phone as a form of communication, because if skittles and tea are weapons, cell phones must be Weapons of Mass Destruction—or so says our justice system.

STAND YOUR GROUND! A LAW! A LEGAL LAW! Well, that is exactly what we intend to do—STAND OUR GROUND! Our ground, our belief, is that we are for RIGHT…we do NOT care who is WRONG!

We are for justice…We are people with a purpose!

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Sunday, March 25, 2012

...lost in love

I am humbled. I thank God for emotions…being able to feel not being numb...embrace them all—good, bad, happy, sad, anger, hurt…these emotions help me to appreciate when something GREAT happens to me.

As human beings, we are created in the likeness of God and God is love. So, if I ever feel I am acquainted with someone who feels they cannot love or they do not love, I will quickly dismiss them from my life.

Blessed! Humbled! Love!

If you cannot love or feel you cannot be loved, you are not human, and I stopped playing with aliens when I was two years of age. Any person who misuses love or abuses love does not belong on the roster of people I communicate with within my circle because I am LOVE.

I lost myself once in life…for over an entire decade! Then I found myself and became lost in love with the who I am. Eronically, what I have learned is that me falling in love with myself made me a non-participating threat for those who vowed to love me.

Once you know who you are, the days of wicked intimidation and false security of others are exempt from your life.

I am lost in love…if loving me is wrong, I don’t want to be RIGHT!

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…the measure of time

Often, I hear people say, “Life is short”. Then others contradict it and ask, “Why does God allow suffering so long in this bad world?” Then there are those who say, “Oh, I can’t believe they ended their marriage after 20 years. That’s a long time to be with somebody!”

Art by Michael Arkhipov

So, do I feel life is short? Do I feel as if we are suffering for a long time? Is 20 years too long to end a marriage? That depends upon the WHO you are and how you measure time. My goal is that this blog will give you a critical look through my eyes and possibly, the eyes of others, in a way that respects individual’s personal beliefs.

I do not feel that life is short. I feel that most of us wait too long to take advantage of the good that life has to offer; therefore, when badness sets in, some feel there wasn’t time enough in life—though it was self-prolonged and not inhibited by any other factor, except SELF . Most of us spend so much time complaining…not appreciating what we have and searching for things we do not need that we get trapped in a numerical goal—confining ourselves to limits that should be unlimited.

Is God being selfish by making us suffer the ugliness of this world? God is not selfish. God is not partial. What He does for the righteous, He does for the unrighteous without a second thought. He warned us that Satan had been kicked out of heaven and told us to beware. He gave us warning signs and told us how to endure. He stated that all will know Him…ALL does not mean SOME to God…it means ALL; so, if one of those ALLs does not know Him, this selfless, loving, God is not going to deny that person the chance of knowing Him and taking in accurate knowledge of Him.

Is 20 years a long time to end a marriage? Depends on who you ask. I know people who have been married 60 years. Look at it this way. Sarah gave birth to Isaac when she was 90 years old…90! Today, we have kids skipping grades in high school—graduating early. There are teenagers with IQ's of 130 or more. We have 40-year olds graduating from college. We have 30-year old grandparents.

Is life short? Ask a 13-year old who suffers from a terminal illness and battles it daily with the wisdom of an 80-year old and a smile upon his/her face.

Is God allowing us to suffer?Ask a 50-year old whose mindset was ruined and clouded by drugs, molestation, and abuse, who finally received the right heart condition and mindset to accept the accurate knowledge of God.

Is 20 years too long to leave a marriage? Ask a wife who has been beat 19 years 362 days of that marriage! Ask a husband who sat at home every night for 15 years wondering if his wife was dead or alive because she has a drug addiction and he wanted to stand by her—until he felt himself dying trying to love and support her…waiting for change!

Measuring life’s time is not like Algebra and Geometry…there is no equation or formula you can use to determine if it is too long or if it is too short. It is about acceptance, perseverance, long-suffering—endurance. It is personal for you and it is personal for me.

The surest formula we have for life’s measure is:

There is only one ALPHA…one OMEGA…one BEGINNING…one END…one FIRST…one LAST…

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…self-evaluate your parenting: for the love a child

19 April 1998—the most beautiful little girl was placed into my arms…after 72 hours of hard labor, I held her BRIEFLY and commanded the nurse give her to her father. Within nanoseconds I was asleep and fondly remember waking up in my hospital suite ringing the nurse, “Where is my baby? I want my baby!” I kept her in the room with me all night—adoring her totally!

Being the youngest child of 8 children, I have to admit, I am “kind of” spoiled. Not spoiled in a materialistic kind of way…I didn’t grow up financially rich, only rich by being taught the knowledge of God (that is wealthy) and rich in love. I was spoiled with affection and being told that I can be and do anything I wanted—I was my only limitation.

MyADA--1st born daughter

Once you decide to bring a life into this world, YOU are responsible for that life. That means not only taking care of that child financially—food, clothes, and shelter—it also means YOU are responsible for that child’s emotional and mental well-being. It means that every decision YOU make in life affects that child…it means that YOU can longer be selfish and say, “What about ME?” YOU gave the “all about me” syndrome up when you decided to bring a child into this world.

In difficult times, especially those of self-destruction, you have to evaluate YOU and stay AWARE…ensure that situations, good for you or bad for you, are not HORRIFIC for your child. Parents claim they will “die for their child”…if someone mess with your child, you are ready to kick ass like there is no tomorrow; yet, YOU will keep your child in an environment that corrupts them both emotionally and mentally. When and where does the cycle end?

The life you live, would you want that life for your child? If you could bottle the pain you have felt as a child…as a woman, as a man…and break it so that it never reaches your child, would you? Would you protect them at all costs?

At the age of 10, I can remember my Mahm taking my sister, my brother, and me…loading us into the car…leaving behind all of her material possessions for the sake of her sanity…her life…our emotional and mental protection. She started over…she did not look back. Did it hurt her? YES!!! Did she cry? Many nights. Did she survive? She sure did.

KerriBerri--my Babygirl

Being a parent means you cannot be selfish…you have to find a way to channel negative energy and unhealthy ways of life into positivity. You have to guide and direct your child by EXAMPLE. Child rearing is the epitome of “monkey see, monkey do! It is that simple. It is not complicated. Children are not BLIND. They see your pain. They feel your hurt. They ARE affected by it.

If you have your child living in an environment that will leave them with permanent scars—whether it be physical, sexual, mental, or emotional—and you are AWARE of this…YOU are the abuser of your child. It is NOT FAIR to them to have to endure abuse and/or neglect because of your selfishness.

Self-evaluate…get help…take action…and be responsible for all that you do—your child will thank you and most importantly, your child will RESPECT that you loved them enough to deliver yourself and them from evil.

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Monday, March 19, 2012

...the top 5 mistakes females make trying to pursue a relationship

"Correct me if I am wrong; “Think like man act like a lady”, or whatever the title, was written by a man; right? So why are women embracing it? Once again, you are letting the male species think for you like you don't have a brain ~granted all of us have one...some just elect not to use it~. My advice to you is "think for yourdamnself".

I am not the kind of person that does “labels”. In fact, I am totally annoyed by people who allow society to brainwash them into the dysfunctional norms of our era. I am totally allergic to people who cannot think for themselves. You know, that person that sits and tells others the facts ~myths~ of life, and the small-minded person that believes them (not that is not what I am doing ~roll eyes~)? People spend so much time trying to figure out and control someone else’s life, they ruin their own.

Women fail to realize that we are our own worst enemy and our biggest threat. We put ourselves in positions that open the door to misusings and wrongdoings. Then we damn love and label all men as dogs. Truth is, most often than not, you knew what you were getting into, but wanted a man so badly, you were willing to compromise…even SELF!

Allow me, along with quotes from Nire Smada, to echo the top five (5) mistakes I feel women make trying to get a man.

“...he was a nothing, a nobody…you made him a something a somebody by asking her was she crushing him…putting your ego out on the limb…knowing he wouldn’t treat you like a gem; so you just invited her to a game of mouse come cat…you aroused her curiosity; girl, why you do that?” ~~from Nire Smada...Sistergurl Seekarets~

MISTAKE # 5— BEFRIENDING THE ENEMY

Making that all-famous attempt to befriend the female you think or know like the man you are trying to land. This is a result of mistake # 4. You may as well invite her to join you in a love triangle. While you are trying to befriend her to see what is going on between her and the man, she has already mapped out a plan to make you look plum stupid and use your own game against you…eventually she wins. Learn the arts of leave well-enough alone and shut-the-hell up. No marriage or relationship is perfect, but we are in control of the shit…if you are gonna stay…shut up! I learned this shit the hard way…tell a trick your problem…she will try to treat your man…keep that shit between you and God…and keep it moving because tricks will follow up on unlimited opportunities! Stop inviting people into a world that doesn’t even belong to you. If the man liked you, you just lost something most men need in a woman…RESPECT!

“Someone don lied to you, gurl…keep your freen close and your enemies closer! Hell, how you know who yo freen? Why you out trying to befreen yo enemy, yo freen befreening yo man! Wid freens like dat, you showl don’t need no enemies!” ~~from Nire Smada...Sistergurl Seekarets~

MISTAKE #4—ASSUMING EVERY FEMALE WANT OLE DUDE

Men and women can be platonic friends. There are some women who have life-long, lasting relationships with a male that are strictly platonic and/or business. A woman can have ZERO interest in a man on an intimate level and you can quickly make her tune into him by asking her if she likes him! NEVER DO THAT! Women are catty creatures. You cannot control what anyone does but YOU. Never confront a female about a man—even if he is your husband! Know your role…know your responsibilities and perform the duties granted unto your role.

“I tried to tell hurr…really, I did. I tried to warn hurr! Menfolk have a bond that most women will never have…it is called a dicktatorship. Be all kindly with his friend trying to get his attention only makes him laugh at you while him and ole boy toasting to how you were too simple for their Kingdom” ~~from Nire Smada...Sistergurl Seekarets~

MISTAKE #3—THE ATTENTION CRY

Don't mind me; I'm just the instigator

I hate to see women do this…as much I try to stay brave and strong, I end up crying. I hurt for them. He hasn’t called. He’s ignoring you. He’s showing someone else some attention…granted it could be innocent…but you suffer from attentionitis. You NEED him to notice you, so you do what only your simple mind knows to do, move on to his friend. Aw, Sweetie…make a U-Turn quick! I don’t care if his friend seems sincere and nice…I don’t care how hot he tells you you are…I don’t care if he tells you his buddy doesn’t deserve a woman of your character…you best believe he on some GAME and can’t wait to sing your praise-NOTs to his boy. Now what’chu gonna do? Call his daddy? I’m just asking…don’t get mad at me…I’m just an instigator for the female species. You have a better chance of blowing up balloons, sticking them in your ear, put on some high waters pants, a dashiki, and jump up and down while yelling, “Look at me; look at me!”

“She quoted me the myth that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach or good sex! ~bwahhaaaaaa~ who da hell told her that? Some old person that’s been divorced since they were 20 and now hitting 75? She should have asked, “Mam, you muss can’t cook or hunch? Wat happened?” ~from Nire Smada...Sistergurl Seekarets~

MISTAKE #2—LOSING SELF-IDENTITY

Truth is…the way to a man’s heart is to be YOU…be supportive…support their dreams even...if you don’t believe the damn dream can be a reality….chances are, maybe he doesn’t either…but if you don't provide him with positive, intellectual support and feedback, he will long for things that can disrupt your relationship/marriage (by things, I do mean communication and understanding in and for his dreams)…I tell you this…Good cooks can be found in every kitchen and good sex is on every block…don’t fool yourdamnselves into thinking, pushing him away when he needs to be loved is going to work or change him or make him want to pursue a lasting relationship/marriage with you!

FINALLY, the number one mistake women make in a relationship or trying to land one:

“...she was married...happily...unhappily...don't matter...to her all that mattered was she was MARRIED and she would always HONOR her vows. I told her in 3 languages, "Sistergurl, when you married and you are stroking egos more than you are STROKING...it is way past time to flip from the back stroke to the free-style--I'm all about the Buttlerfly, Baby". Last I heard, she was side stroking...damn shame! ~from Nire Smada...Sistergurl Seekarets~

MISTAKE #1—BEING A SIMPLE UH-HUH GIRL

Being submissive is a beautiful thing. Sadly, many women don’t understand what being submissive entails. Men like to be challenged. If a man asks you, “Isn’t today beautiful, Baby?” and he knows you hate the heat and it is 150 degrees outside and he has his hands all over you…still you respond…ever so lie-ingly, “Yeah baby…beautiful day…I love it…I wish I could jump into the sun!” He is giggling at your ass! “Today was awful today at work! I’m quitting the job tomorrow, I deserve better! You with me baby?”… “I got you, Sweetie…I’m ride or die!”…smh

“WTH, you know I hate the heat! It is beautiful to be here…glad I’m here with you, but it is 150 degrees, too hot for you to be touching all over me” ~roll eyes~. That can be said in a very loving way… and you may be lifted out of the heat into a cool air-conditioned home to make natural heat! If that fails, I bet you get a good laugh out of him while he stills tries to be Mr. Happy Hands…you got the lead now…run your ass in the house…he is going to follow you…trust me, he’s hot too!

“With you on what? Quitting your job? SMH, Babe, you deserve better…it is a dead-end job. I hate to see you stressed out about it. I’m with you on doing better for YOU and for US. So, let’s map out a plan; okay? You go to work tomorrow and I know I don’t have to tell you this, but be the man that you are…never let anyone treat you any less than that! I will research some jobs in your field. Submit some resumes and together, we are going to overcome this tiny obstacle. You with me, Babe?” His reply will be a kiss on your submissive lips! Because if your ride or die, uh-huh self let that man quit his job and he can’t find another one and now yawl can’t pay the bills. You just rode stress to the 14^th power…and can’t afford to die!

Men need and want mental stimulation; if you can’t think for you, you can’t offer him any direction or guidance. The key to being a good mate is to be an effective communicator. ..knowing how to disagree in a respectful manner…setting your boundaries and sticking to them…being true to yourself! He will respect you for it…and if you are not his wife, you just may get a ring on that finger if that is what you so desire. Try to be the woman that compliments him...he should already be complete...if he isn't, you wasting your time anyway!

Am I right? Could be…could be not; but instead of thinking like a man and acting like a lady, I prefer to be who the hell I am…outspoken, opinionated, ERiginal…Erin! Echo that!

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Thursday, March 15, 2012

…Double Standards—Cheaters: The art of infidelity

Like a thief in the night, she silently crept into their home; tapped Robert on the shoulder—placed her index finger over her lips to silence him and proceeded to lead him to the garden. As she bit seductively into a ripe tomato, the hues of orange and red trickled down her full, juicy lips. She smiled, and teased her mouth with his finger—removing the juice from her lip, her chin with his finger and feeding herself. She moaned when she tasted the overly ripe vegetable juice. Her body pulsated when she sucked his long, masculine finger. She groaned as she smashed the tomato over her breast, daring him to indulge with her provocative eyes. ~from Infidelity by Erin Adams-Phillips~

Commandments...Laws...Morals...Ethics...Principles—created by God, enforced by man, instilled by parents, practiced by self, defined by knowledge. What is marriage? Is it a business? The joining of unity of man and woman? Biblically, marriage is an arrangement designed by God for man and woman to form a bond of union. Generally speaking, to me, society has mocked marriage as an institution that is established and common. Therefore, most people do not take their vows seriously and may defile the marital bed. Ironically, mainstream society has accepted the infidelity of men; however, if a woman cheats, she is frowned upon by society.

In Nathaniel Hawthrone's The Scarlet Letter, Hester had to wear the letter A in scarlet because she committed adultery. Today, women do not have to wear a scarlet letter; however, society and its teachings condemn woman who are unfaithful to their spouse.

Oftentimes, when a man cheats and the wife becomes aware of the betrayal, she will forgive him and try to save her marriage. Still, nevertheless, when a woman cheats, most husbands leave and the wife is labeled with degrading names—whore, slut, tramp, trick, skeezer.

This is one of society’s most notorious double standards. It is accepted by most people…he cheated…he is just a man…a man is going to be man…if she was doing what she was supposed to do, he would not have cheated…and the babbling accusations having wives questioning oneself, “What did I do wrong?” “What could I have done differently?” “If I had made love to him more often, he would not have strayed!”

What Is, if Is, could Is, and would Is, are not going to lessen the hurt of infidelity. Keep telling yourself that if that is what you need to believe, because in retrospect, there is nothing the unconsenting spouse did to cause the betrayal. That is just an inexcusable excuse for the consenting spouse's selfish behavior.

Surviving Infidelity (2010) states, “Women are more prone to forgiving infidelity than men are, and one reason may be that secretly she feels responsible for the affair. This could be part of what you are feeling if your husband or boyfriend has cheated on you. While it is true that no relationship is destroyed by one partner, you should be careful about how much responsibility you take for infidelity because it is a slippery slope. Before you know it, you could be in a relationship with chronic cheating”.

Marriage Savior (2011) states, “Why are men less tolerant and more hurt of infidelity than women? Do you know what I found? Women develop feeling when they cheat, men don’t. When men cheat it is all about sex”.

This double standard is so embraced…so accepted…that women kill their self-esteem and are blinded of their self-worth. Two wrongs do not make a right. Never lower yourself to try to get even with your spouse…you will only end up hating yourself. Defy society norms. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself and wanting better for you. People can only do to us what we allow them to do.

I’m here to tell you….you can put out sex 6 days a week, cook breakfast lunch and dinner, clean your house, and wash the cars, if your mate wants to cheat, you have no part in that and you cannot stop it...you MUST NOT own it—the only intimate life you control is the one you have with your spouse.

No one is perfect. Temptation knocks on everyone's door. Love of self helps one to resist temptation. When you love your spouse as you love you and your own body, you will be God-fearing and resist temptation...you will not want to bring pain to the person you love. Love is selfless. Adultery is an act of selfishness regardless if the spouse committing the act is the husband or the wife.

Marriages can survive infidelity. No one other than husband and wife belongs in the decision to continue or discontinue their marriage, though seeking counsel is wise. There is adultery that strengthens a marriage and adultery that ends it totally. Acts of adultery can destine the consenting and/or the unconsenting spouse to help others who are going through a similar situation.

Hester with Babe Pearl (1934)

Hawthrone (1850 ) writes, “.. . As Hester Prynne had no selfish ends, nor lived in any measure for her own profit and enjoyment, people brought all their sorrows and perplexities, and besought her counsel, as one who had herself gone through a mighty trouble (Hawthorne 185). Hester, though still haunted and identified by the scarlet letter, aimed to ensure she lived her life lovingly and forgivingly, the way Jesus Christ taught his followers to live by teaching others about the art of infidelity.

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