Like a thief in the night, she silently crept into their home; tapped Robert on the shoulder—placed her index finger over her lips to silence him and proceeded to lead him to the garden. As she bit seductively into a ripe tomato, the hues of orange and red trickled down her full, juicy lips. She smiled, and teased her mouth with his finger—removing the juice from her lip, her chin with his finger and feeding herself. She moaned when she tasted the overly ripe vegetable juice. Her body pulsated when she sucked his long, masculine finger. She groaned as she smashed the tomato over her breast, daring him to indulge with her provocative eyes. ~from Infidelity by Erin Adams-Phillips~
Commandments...Laws...Morals...Ethics...Principles—created by God, enforced by man, instilled by parents, practiced by self, defined by knowledge. What is marriage? Is it a business? The joining of unity of man and woman? Biblically, marriage is an arrangement designed by God for man and woman to form a bond of union. Generally speaking, to me, society has mocked marriage as an institution that is established and common. Therefore, most people do not take their vows seriously and may defile the marital bed. Ironically, mainstream society has accepted the infidelity of men; however, if a woman cheats, she is frowned upon by society.
In Nathaniel Hawthrone's The Scarlet Letter, Hester had to wear the letter A in scarlet because she committed adultery. Today, women do not have to wear a scarlet letter; however, society and its teachings condemn woman who are unfaithful to their spouse.
This is one of society’s most notorious double standards. It is accepted by most people…he cheated…he is just a man…a man is going to be man…if she was doing what she was supposed to do, he would not have cheated…and the babbling accusations having wives questioning oneself, “What did I do wrong?” “What could I have done differently?” “If I had made love to him more often, he would not have strayed!”
What Is, if Is, could Is, and would Is, are not going to lessen the hurt of infidelity. Keep telling yourself that if that is what you need to believe, because in retrospect, there is nothing the unconsenting spouse did to cause the betrayal. That is just an inexcusable excuse for the consenting spouse's selfish behavior.
Surviving Infidelity (2010) states, “Women are more prone to forgiving infidelity than men are, and one reason may be that secretly she feels responsible for the affair. This could be part of what you are feeling if your husband or boyfriend has cheated on you. While it is true that no relationship is destroyed by one partner, you should be careful about how much responsibility you take for infidelity because it is a slippery slope. Before you know it, you could be in a relationship with chronic cheating”.
Marriage Savior (2011) states, “Why are men less tolerant and more hurt of infidelity than women? Do you know what I found? Women develop feeling when they cheat, men don’t. When men cheat it is all about sex”.
This double standard is so embraced…so accepted…that women kill their self-esteem and are blinded of their self-worth. Two wrongs do not make a right. Never lower yourself to try to get even with your spouse…you will only end up hating yourself. Defy society norms. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself and wanting better for you. People can only do to us what we allow them to do.
I’m here to tell you….you can put out sex 6 days a week, cook breakfast lunch and dinner, clean your house, and wash the cars, if your mate wants to cheat, you have no part in that and you cannot stop it...you MUST NOT own it—the only intimate life you control is the one you have with your spouse.
No one is perfect. Temptation knocks on everyone's door. Love of self helps one to resist temptation. When you love your spouse as you love you and your own body, you will be God-fearing and resist temptation...you will not want to bring pain to the person you love. Love is selfless. Adultery is an act of selfishness regardless if the spouse committing the act is the husband or the wife.
Marriages can survive infidelity. No one other than husband and wife belongs in the decision to continue or discontinue their marriage, though seeking counsel is wise. There is adultery that strengthens a marriage and adultery that ends it totally. Acts of adultery can destine the consenting and/or the unconsenting spouse to help others who are going through a similar situation.
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| Hester with Babe Pearl (1934) |
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