...I just wanna say THANK YOU

Time heals all wounds they say…I don’t have a wound—just a big hole in my heart. What people do not understand is that we are all born into sin…the wage of sin is death. We will all die. God is the giver of life. He created life. He blew into Adam’s nostril, the breathe of life. Our God is not, shall not, and cannot be associated with EVIL. He is gentle. He is loyal. He is just. He is LOVE.

He gave us a warning, “Therefore, rejoice, O heavens! And you who live in the heavens, rejoice! But terror will come on the earth and the sea, for the devil has come down to you in great anger, knowing that he has little time”—Revelation 12:12

Keith D. Johnson 30 Aug 1972 - 7 Mar 1998

I know death is inevitable. I’m not afraid of death. I am not afraid of dying. I hurt so badly because to me, my line of thinking, you did not die. Your life was taken by someone’s hand. You were terminated by the daughter of mankind—a sinner like me—someone who defined lust and envy as love.  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” 1 Corinthians 13:4. Love does not HURT…love HEALS.

I have learned to cope. I cope. I cry, but I cope; still, one day in March and one day in August…I hurt. I feel anger. I feel cheated. Why were we given this life sentence? What was our crime? What makes people have that attitude, “If I cannot have you no one will”? How selfish can people be? How can you cause people that much pain?

I don’t want to hurt. I try to tell myself every year, “Dee, you better than this!” I’ve prayed….I’ve prayed. So many pictures of you in my house—stained with tears. I want to get over this. I can’t even go to Auntee’s house without getting chills. I wonder does that IT know how much she has punished me.

God, I love Auntee like crazy, but when I see her…I see you. I can hardly stand to look at Cobe, Duke, & Darrell. I have damn near secluded myself from your family. I have written you a poem every year.  I hate going home…you are not there. I don’t know , well I do know, I guess I just can’t do it because I am allowing my HATE for IT to win over my love for God. I know that is the only thing…HE is the only way, I will move on from this.

I was telling Phil (oh, I’m sorry Wight) about how you kicked me under the table at O’Charley’s. You and Don had come to go to the R. Kelly concert. You kicked me and asked me a question in our whisper lip talk. I had him laughing. I was able to tell you what I told you, because I knew you wouldn’t judge me!

Wondering if you would have gray hair…a pot belly…still dancing SMOOVE…the Bankhead bounce…you said, “I don’t know if she’s doing the Bankhead bounce or having a seizure”!  LOL

You, my dear, are priceless. I think of you in everything I do. I love you more than my mouth can speak…more than my hands can type! So many memories…so many secrets…so much love. I miss you. I thank you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPU3V2c-u3U

…sympathy—I think NOT



Support Education & Educators



Why should I have sympathy for you? I mean ~scoffs~ this is the who I am—if you are married and your religious beliefs do not allow you to take birth control and you have 18 kids, but you are not living on the system, I say do YOU. I respect your beliefs. I don’t have to agree to respect it. If you do not vote due to your religious beliefs, I respect that doctrine. “Pay back Caesar things to Caesar and God things to God”.  Respected and understood.

Now, if you are having 18 kids on the system’s dime, and you do not vote because you are lazy, I have no sympathy for you, less alone respect!

For the life of me, I do not understand how a parent can vote against the school system. First, educators are already underpaid. Second, they spend more quality hours a day with your child than you do. Third, they have to deal with parents who are in denial. Fourth, for the parents who do not teach their kids manners and respect, they have to deal with those children.  Five, educators are already underpaid ~that’s an echo~.

We reside in one of the BEST school districts in all of OHIO. Not over exaggerating, the children in this district get a private school education for free. In 2008, we lost the votes for the levy. The school district had to make cuts. Where did those cuts go? Transportation, educational programs, the online parent/student system (you could actually see everything that was going on in your child’s class with this system…if the child says, I left my homework at school, big deal, you could go there and print it out), & of course salaries.

We lost many teachers. There are four buses that go to my youngest child’s school. I think all of those buses are “private busing”. There are over 500 car riders. Many kids are walking…there are no SIDEWALKS….no CROSSING GUARDS…and our winters are not KIND. On top of that, I lost my temper and was upset that I did not know my daughter lost bus transportation until the first day. You had to attend open house to find that out. I need to apologize because due to budget cuts, they probably found out late…it is not their fault. This is more stressful for them. I apologize!

So, here it is—if you have kids and you did not vote because you are just plan trifling and lazy, do NOT ask me about carpooling. My answer will be HELL NAW!  I will ask you what the levy was and what did the school district detailed as cuts if the levy failed. I have daughters at two different school levels (Jr. High & Elementary). I have to make four trips. I sit for almost an hour picking up my youngest. Traffic is terrible.

When I’m taking my oldest, I know I stress her; not intentionally, but these cars are speeding! These kids are walking (no sidewalks). At the crossover (no button to push), cars won’t even stop to let them cross. I always stop and blink my lights at the oncoming cars while yelling, “Let these babies cross, GEESH!” It is sad. It is sad. It is sad!

These trifling parents, who did not vote for no other reason than they are lazy, I bet they are the same parents who send their kids to school hungry; the same parents who complain about everything under the sun, the same parents with kids that are disruptive. My question is, “Why should I have sympathy for you?” I have no respect for anyone who is against the educational system. I have no respect for anyone who belittles quality education. I have no respect for uninvolved parents who want to protest when you have never voted, volunteered, or just had lunch with your child. I’m sorry, I have sympathy for your child, and I pity you.

©2011. ErinsEcho. All rights reserved.

...the DIVA of all divas

The year of 1998 was very hard for our family. Beginning in mid-1997, my mother started to lose sisters to death. It seemed as if death was hitting us at every corner. My Mahm comes from a HUGE family where brothers were the minority. However, I don’t think I will ever see a breed of women stronger than Powell/Rankins/Rabb sisters.

Thirteen years ago today, I walked into my job restless and tired. I had a 3 month old child. My first biological child. I was experiencing post-partum depression and I was grieving the loss of my cousin who was killed in March 1998. As soon as I walked into the office, my co-worker grabbed me and took me into the restroom. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. I’m totally unmoved by her tears. I did not want to seem insensitive, but I had been up all night with a crying child. Food was my worst enemy. Low & behold, it was hot! Out of the person that I am, I grabbed her shoulders and asked, “What is it?!” I was not expecting the words she said to me.

“Go home”. ~REALLY, girl, you don’t have to tell me twice—BYE! ~ “Go home and call your mother right away!” My disconnection to her tears finally became the foundation to my fears. Somebody was dead—AGAIN!  Who? Why? What? When? Where?

What I did know was I was not waiting to call my mother! I trumped to my desk, flung my items in my chair and dialed my Mahm’s number. For the life of me, I don’t know who answered my Mahm’s phone. All I remember was, “Darlene, you need to get home. Your Aunt Mildren is dead!” WTF?! HUH? I don’t know how I got home…I don’t know much of anything. Someone had called my husband and he was waiting for me. I was so dazed; I still don’t know all of what was communicated to me…not the DIVA?! Come on, we were just tripping because she was poking with me about Kennedi. I just saw her sitting on Auntie’s Rene bed being a comforter to her sister during the loss of her son. Aunt Mildren? Naw!

IMO--Mildren Powell Bracey

The reality was, my Auntee was dead. I had just gotten to a point in my life where I stayed alone at night while my husband went to work. He had to move me from our duplex because that one had too many memories of Keith. I couldn’t stay there. My stepson, DJ, Kennedi, and I were managing through my depression now, I’m depressed all over again. After Auntee’s funeral, my sister had to move in with me for a while. I was so depressed. I had my little baby. I don’t know how I am sane today.

Auntee, I think about her and laugh. Always smiling. Always talking. Nosey self ~lol~. I tell yawl, I have never seen anyone who could put 4 rollers (okay it was 6) in a head full of hair and it looks like she just left the salon. Her round face attached her full lips housed the voice of a songbird. She had the most beautiful voice. Too bad I can’t say the same for her dancing. Auntee taught everybody how to cha-cha.

If you didn’t know her, you would not think this woman was comical. She was too funny ~with her loud laugh~. When Auntee died, she took a piece of her surviving sisters with her, but also left them with a legacy of love. Auntee you are missed. You were love. You are loved!

...it is what it is

MarJean Mays 25 Aug 65 -26 Nov 08 

Well, here I go again. I put on a smile and do what I have to do to survive. I keep hearing you say, “Dee, you should make “time to stop surviving to live and just start living” your motto”.  I would look at you, roll my eyes, and mock you, “it is what it is”.  Then you would look at me and roll your eyes and I would laugh.  You were such a selfless person…a true, real friend. Always told me what you thought was right. You never told me what you thought I wanted to hear. You loved me…never judged me. 

I keep thinking how you tried to talk to me…I wouldn’t listen. I was so selfish. You needed me to listen; I cut you off. You just said, “Okay, Dee, I’m sorry!” I keep remembering holding your hands, giving you a manicure. Your nails were so long and pretty! The girls were making you laugh. If anyone had told me that would be my last time with you, I would so redo that do and shut my mouth and just let you talk.  As always, I avoided a needed conversation. Still, you loved me.

You were such a happy person. Today, I will be happy! I won’t be sad. Instead, I will reflect on what we would be doing if you were here. Yep, we would be talking sports!! We would be happy Chad 8-5 is gone from Cinci…boy, bye! And happy there is no T.O. on the Bengals. Though we love T.O., he just needs to go home! Boy, bye! We would be hoping Marvin Lewis was next LOL and tap dancing about #9, Carson Palmnomore! Elbow check….WD-40! ~tin man~ LOL

MarJean & her smile

I would try to talk about Vick and Ray Lewis to stay on football so we don’t go to basketball. You would tell me, I told you about the NBA! I would roll my eyes. You would start, “I don’t know how you like sports and don’t like college basketball”…I will just HUSH because I already know I can’t win this battle. You would lecture me, and then proudly smile showing your beautiful gap! I would smile, like I was defeated and then I would turn my hearing aids back on LOL. ~I’m such a bad friend~. 

Wish I could clown Floyd to you! No one understands how I can say he is one of my favorite athletes yet, I say I "NEED" to see him fight PacMan. You understand that boxing is physical, but the mental regulates the physical. I don't think Floyd's mental can outlast Pacqui. You would just laugh and of course agree, right? Like Bernard; I told you Bernard is a manipulator LOL. Can't help if I love him...can't help that his opponents feel for it! Oh man! Sugar Shit Moseley LOL God, I miss me some you! PacMan is a great boxer, M&M. His tenacity...his mental...he's a hard hitter...I really hope Floyd give me this fight. He's fighting next month ~roll eyes~ but not Pacqui ~go figure~. 

Your god-daughters ~oh my~...I would text you in the early morning…your god-babies headed out to the 1st day of school on your born day M&M. They are so grown! We would laugh about how they are developing and how they have my sassy mouth but their daddy looks! You loved them so much! I can’t even fake trying to type this…some days I get so conflicted. I want badly to be like you…positive and strong-willed.

I keep hearing you say, “Dedee, you try to be everything to everybody. You are going to BREAK; you are only human.” As I struggled with a title for my book you had been pushing me to publish, I thought of that…I thought of you. My book is titled, “Broken Angel”. 

Lucky the Cat

I love you MarJean. I miss you. Cincinnati is just not the same without you…I close my eyes and see us crying laughing about Lucky fat self! I still say that cat ate a human! ~smile~ The girls miss you! Phil misses you. You are loved and thought of EVERY DAY!

....me, my music, & my mind: great music lyrics

me, my music, & my mind

As I took yet another road trip from Ohio to Alabama and reverse, Alabama to Ohio, my mind took me places I have not been able to go in my life. I was listening to music. I love so many genres of music. However, without a doubt, Prince Roger Nelson is my favorite artist of all-time. I was listening to his CDs and was like, “Wow, mahn, I tell you; this man has some lyrics that are just deep!”

Then I thought how music, like life, tells a story. As a poet, I know my lyrics are personal, heartfelt, anger….ME!

Let’s talk about love! Let’s talk about like! Let’s talk about how you do me wrong when I’m doing you right! Let’s talk about forgiveness. Let’s talk about pain. Let’s talk about how I’m always your sunshine even when it rains. Let’s talk about you and me! Let me tell you what I see. I see lies through your eyes and I’m tired! ~from lies through your eyes: you only love you! By Erin Adams-Phillips~

Al Green, "Love and happiness. Make you do right. Love'll make you do wrong!"

I thought about songs I love. This is a very short list, but I wanted to share some of me with my readers.  So here are some of my favorite song lyrics…lyrics that just hit home…touches the heart…so true you wanna break out and go to church on those lines! I mean really preach a sermon on those lines!! Let’s get started here:

PRINCE SINGS ABOUT COMMUNICATION IN A RELATIONSHIP:

“If I was your girlfriend would you remember, to tell me all of the things you forgot when I was your man? If I was your best friend, would you let me take care of you? Do all the things that only a best friend can? If I was your girlfriend, if I was your girlfriend. If I was your girlfriend, would you let me dress you? I mean help you pick out your clothes before we got out? Not that you're helpless but sometime—sometime those are the things that bein' in love's about”.

QUALITY TIME AND AFFECTION:

“U don't have 2 be beautiful, 2 turn me on. I just need your body baby. From dusk till dawn. U don't need experience 2 turn me out. U just leave it all up 2 me. I'm gonna show u what it's all about. U don't have 2 be rich 2 be my girl. U don't have 2 be cool 2 rule my world. Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with. I just want your extra time and your…..Kiss”

STOP PLAYING GAMES—DON’T DENY ME OF THAT:

“Come Closer. Feel what you been dying for.  Don't be afraid, baby. Touch it and explode. Understand, understand that I love you. Ah, but more than that - I want you. Everybody always told me good things come to those who wait. But I've got so much on the menu, I just can't, I just can't, I can't wait, baby I can't wait, baby”. ~Prince~

WANT VERSUS NEED; I DON’T NEED YOU I WANT YOU!:

“I may not know where I'm going (babe). I said I may not know what I need. One thing, one thing's 4 certain baby, I know what I want, yeah; and if it please u baby, please u, baby. I'm begging down on my knees! I want u!” ~Prince~

STILL, I GOT PRIDE, BABE!

 “Touch if you will my stomach; feel how it trembles inside, you’ve got the butterflies all tied up. Don’t make me chase you even DOVES have pride!” ~Prince~

Stop the madness! ~backing up on the one foot hop…eyes closed…arms crossing in front of my chest~  Whew!

REASSURANCE:

“Until the end of time, I‘ll be there for you! You own my heart and mind!”  ~Prince~

GIVE YOU TO ME…DON’T HOLD BACK:

“Here we are in this big old empty room, staring each other down. U want me just as much as I want u, lets stop fooling around. Take me baby... kiss me all over... play with my love. Bring out what's been in me for far too long. Baby, u know that's all I’ve been dreaming of!” ~Prince~

oh la la la la la la la la la la la la la Nobody, na na na na Ooh la la la la la la la la la la la la la Nobody, na na ~Jeffrey Osbourne~

BITTERSWEET MOMENTS…LIFETIME OF PAIN:

“Yes we've stolen this moment.  We forgot to face, one simple fact. We both belong~ to someone else. As we slept, the night away”. ~Shirley Murdock~

I JUST WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND; SEE YOU SMILE:

“I never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted to one time see you laughing. I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain. ..Purple rain, Purple rain…I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain. I never wanted to be your weekend lover. I only wanted to be some kind of friend. Baby I could never steal you from another. It's such a shame our friendship had to end.” ~Prince~

Boy hush! Lawd!!!!  Help me! Oh oh oh oh oh…oh oh oh oh oh ~Lenny Williams~

APPRECIATE ME:

“She says yes, I look a mess, but I don’t love you any less. I thought you always thought enough me to always be impressed”. ~Lisa Stansfield~

FED UP:

“I'm standing here looking in the mirror. Saying "damn" to myself. I should have known the day would come. That she would find somebody else. And all the things I took her through. Shit, I shouldn't have lasted this long. Now I'm at this telephone booth calling Tyrone!” ~Mr. R Kelly~

FOOL IN LOVE:

“There´s something on my mind. Won´t somebody please please tell me what´s wrong? You´re just a fool you know you´re in love. You´ve got to face it to let it explode. You take the good along with the bad. Sometimes you´re happy and sometimes you´re sad. You know you love him you can´t understand. Why he treats you like he do when he´s such a good man.”

REALITY:

Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love Stop making a fool of me ~Deniece Williams~

 

…YOU HURT HER…BROKE HER HEART:

“Good morning heartache. You old gloomy sight. Good morning heartache. Thought we said goodbye last night. I turned and tossed until it seems you have gone, but here you are with the dawn. Wish I forget you, but you’re here to stay. It seems I met you, when my love went away. Now every day I stop I’m saying to you, Good morning heartache what’s new” ~the one and only Billie Holiday~

I LOVE me some YOU:

“And it gets stronger, in every way…And it gets deeper, let me say…And it gets higher, day by day and do I love you my, oh my. Yeah river deep mountain high…If I lost you would I cry. Oh how I love you baby, baby, baby, baby” ~Tina Turner~

I will always love you IF:

 “I'll love you when your hair turns grey girl. I still want you if you gained a little weight, yeah. The way I feel for you will always be the same. Just as long as your love don't change (no)”. ~Musiq~

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

“Cause a real man knows a real woman when he sees her and a real woman knows a real man ain’t afraid to please her. And a real woman knows a real man always comes first; and a real man just can’t deny a woman’s worth!” ~Alicia Keys~

CONFLICTED, BUT I KNOW WHAT I WANT—what woman better to SANG that then the late GREAT Teena Marie:

“Tender was the kiss when you held me captive in your sweet embrace. My lips begin to burn and my heart beats faster than the normal pace.  I try hard to resist that familiar smile that melts me just like wax . But what’s the use, I’m yours and that means forever, there’s no turning back”

WHY DO I LOVE HIM?

Let me tell you why I love him. Cause he is the truth. Said he is so real…And I love the way that he makes me feel. And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly, cause his light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie ~India Arie~

A-Phi train happy going on now….head bounce up and down….back it up YEAH! Whew! \0/

Time to listen to some music! Thanks for your support. I love yous!

....clueless, classless, or just plain CONFUSED

We live in an era where the norms are set by society. The majority rules!! Trial-by-jury allows 12 peers of the accused to decide their fate…INNOCENT or GUILTY…the majority rules! When a Bill goes to the Senate, the majority rules!!  Twenty-first century –2011 is the year…the era of the majority rules.

Unfortunately, that major stipulation of life leaves much to be addressed and even more unanswered. The majority is NOT always right. Do I lead? Do I follow; or do I just flee and create my own path?

In the earlier eras men were considered to be the “head of the home”. They were the providers. Today, there are women who make equal, if not more, than the man. Wives go to work and husbands are stay-at-home dads. So does he lose his seat at the head of the table? The majority rules!

In my childhood, you talked back to an adult, not just your parents, you would get knocked into the middle of next week. I missed many weekends with my sassy mouth! Today, there are kids who tell their parents how things are going to go down as it pertains to them (the children!)…the majority rules; right?

Modesty. Well, even as far back as I can remember we had the Madonna’s and Larry Blackmon’s when it came to “what the hell” dressing; however, today, it is the norm for women to be paraded around like skinned rabbits at a Hugh Hefner Bunny Farm. It is only natural for a man to look, and it is VERY natural for a real man to be disgusted and a real woman to teach her daughters, that SEXY is a state of mind and attire is a personal characteristic ~don’t shoot the messenger~.

What is my point?

Simple, today, we hear, “that is so not ladylike”, “where is your femininity?” “That’s not how a real man rolls!” ~in my Charlie Brown voice~ “Bwha Bwha Bwha Bwha! SHUDDY”!



Erin @Club in ATL

I was raised to sit with my legs crossed, talk soft in order to be seen and not heard, put my hands down by my side and see if those shorts or skirt reached my fingertip! I had a curfew…it need not be stated, I knew it already (the street lights). Low and behold, I knew that yes meant “yes” and no meant “no”. DAMN a majority! The majority did not leave in Lula’s house; therefore, Lula was not concerned with the majority!

Now, society says that it is not lady-like …no, it is out of character for a lady to do certain things such as drink out in public, laugh too loud, curse too much, burp, or dare I type, release air from their posterior ~see, that doesn’t even read right~…release flatulence—nope still doesn’t read accurate….FART ~whoop there it is~!

Well, Momma told me the ugliest thing in the world was a drunken woman in public. If we ever just wanted or needed to drink, do it in the comfort of your own home. Momma said, “Women mother their children.” Not birth. Any lady can birth a baby, but a WOMAN mothers her children. Momma would ask, “Where yawl think yawl going with that mess on?” See, a woman knew that heavy make-up and revealing clothes does not make one a WOMAN. If you notice, Momma always used the word WOMAN.

I’m not the majority, but I conclude that today’s LADIES are clueless, classless, or just confused!

I sit with my legs crossed, but I talk loudly, I say what I want, and I admit, I curse too much! I respect that man is the head of my home. I refuse (even if it was possible) to make him think he was not. I am a fireball…a hell raiser…we are worst enemies and BEST FRIENDS…so  when I pop a top off a beer for him, I pop one for me! I sit back on the sofa in jeans and Tims and watch football and talk shit with HIM. We high-five! We argue…he burps, I belch! I cough; he pats and rubs my back! He coughs, I say, “Damn, Dude!” We laugh! 

Typical day for Erin


To society, I may not be a lady. I don’t dress half-naked and post pictures exposing my nudity on the web. I do not allow my daughters to dress in what “society” considers being sexy. I have no shame in telling them, “If I see you in a skirt that should be a shirt, I am going to knock your ass into another family!”

Why? Because, it is true; while by society norms their Mommy may not be a lady, she is not clueless, classless, nor confused. She is ALL WOMAN!

My Dolls

 

Erin & daughters



Growing up...my little WOMEN



©Erin Adams-Phillips. Erin’s Echo. All rights reserved.

Follow @ErinsEcho

Tweet

Music Inspiration for today Lisa Stansfield's All Woman

...the need to belong

Envy is such an ugly trait! Thoughts of her bring me anger & pain! I feel the hate emerging in me...i try to remember that allowing my demons to arise in me, allows her to control me. I swallow hard...I cry...I pray! I remember, God helps us when we ask for help before we do wrong; but I’m only human, and my hate-a-trick reflex, makes my hands shake from the very thought of wanting to slap her into the reality that she is not me...and NEVER will be...
~from Stained Glass © Erin Adams-Phillips~

We often hear people speak of the “selfs”: self-esteem, self-love, self-image, self-confidence, self-worth. Psychologists believe that if a person has a sense of “self”, they are better equipped to handle denials, failures, and loss.  They will find within one-self their own WHO and accept the person they are and/or the person they can flourish into. No one wants to be invisible; but how far will YOU go to be seen?

My truth her lies. My fear his fortress. Her sins my pain. Her words the lyrics to my song’s heartache. His music the tempo to my cries. His rights my wrongs. Her wows, my woes.

~from Stained Glassy © Erin Adams-Phillips~

Do you remember in high school or college you were taught about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?  Simply put, Maslow said, “Humans need acceptance in sequential order to be able to be their best person and perform at their highest potential”. Many sociologist and other researchers disagree. However, the proof is in the pudding; right?

According to Maslow's 5-levels of need, if a person does not have those basic needs (food, clothes, and shelter), he/she cannot prosper to another level in life such as developing and sustaining relationships  (personal) or obtaining and performing efficiently in a career (professional). Even if a person is good on  levels 1 & 2, they will still desire that need to 
belong from family, friends,
and intimate relationships.
If those needs
are not conformed,
for those individuals, time stops, because they will not achieve the needed esteem to excel (level 4); without those esteem needs, self-actualization (level 5)  is just NOT possible.

“I looked at her…golden skin, deep, dark, mysterious eyes…hair that flowed like a beautiful wave caressing the ocean’s shore. She was naturally beautiful…physically flawless, it pained me to know she wanted my life! She doesn’t know my pain…she doesn’t know my sorrows!  I’m sure I make being ME look easy, but I’ve had decades of practice…try walking in my shoes…4 inch heels with stomach pains and an aching back!”

~from Stained Glassy © Erin Adams-Phillips~

Come on, Erin; do you really believe that? BELIEVE it; I live it daily! Wait, I do more than live it, I survive it! How? You know how people say, “for every cause there is an effect” or “for every action there is a reaction”? Well, that’s how I survive it. Survival of the fittest—Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection (most of us are more familiar with Survival of the Fittest, but it is not the name of the theory). According to Darwin’s theory, all living things must compete for a limited supply of food, water, space, and other necessities (Maslow's level 1). The individual whose variations are best adapted to the conditions of their environment has an advantage in this struggle (Wyhe, 2002).

ACCEPTANCE—the need to belong, love, affection, security and the lack thereof; but most importantly no knowledge of self-identity...this, people, is a recipe baked for disaster! We have to learn to live outside society’s norms and get in touch with our WHO. Explore your selfs.

ACCEPANCE—the need to belong as a teen in today’s society is branded by the media. We are all familiar with the popular kids (cheerleader, jocks, etc.). Every student vies to be accepted by the “in” crowd. The media makes young girls feel that if they are not a size negative two, they are ugly and fat; undesirable! What’s worse; is when parents contribute to that thought process by neglecting to compliment that child…show that child…help that child to embrace their beauty; double jeopardy! If a child does not have the basic needs NEEDED from home (Maslow level 1), they will most likely do anything to belong—smoke a cigarette, drink alcohol, use drugs, engage in sex, etc. , to feel protected and secure (level 2), which only leads to a false sense of security, affection, and relationships (level 3). ENVY others—lives they do not know!

You can take a peer of that same neglected child who, too, is not popular, but comes from a structured home with involved parents who have family quality time (adaption of environment), and the outcome most likely will be different. He/she has been told they are handsome/beautiful. They receive guidance, affection, and discipline from their family. They are taught about their ancestors, developing that sense of self-identity. If that child is peer-pressured by the “in” crowd, that child will THINK before he/she reacts. It is less likely to give in to a false sense of security, when you have FELT sincere love, genuine security from your parents.

 I never understood Momma. The way she lived…the way she loved…the way she forgave. But Momma just says, “Everythang ain’t meant fah yo undastanding, Chile! Some  thangs are juss dat, thangs!” …I knew that day, that I was in love with Momma. I wanted to be just like Momma. Little did I know that something that seemed so simple would be so complicated. It was a journey, a voyage to self-identity, self-love, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth, self-esteem. It was an expedition to self-restoration. On that voyage, I did something I never thought I could do…fall even more in love with Momma. I knew then it would not be easy…walking in Momma’s shadow.

~from In My Mother’s Shadow © Erin Adams- Phillips~

If a person is told from childhood to young adulthood that they are failures, they start to believe they are failures, and recounts this thought throughout their life, both mentally and emotionally; adjusting to that belief...adopting that teaching...making it their habitat—adaptation to their environment(Darwin's theory) . Just because a person has reached adulthood does not mean the desire for acceptance and the need to belong withdraws from their person! Acceptance is a state of mind. If a person, a child turned adult, has felt abandoned by parents and peers and have not learned to get emotionally in touch with their WHO, these needed emotions transitions with them into their adult life. 


One of my favorite movies, “The Five Heartbeats”, breaks me to watch the part where Eddie’s daddy told him, “You ain’t shit…you ain’t gonna be shit…cause I ain’t shit (paraphrasing here)”. Eddie was never accepted by his father. This created insecurities in Eddie. Eddie was unsure of who had his best interest at heart. He became vulnerable and was manipulated by Big Red.

Adults who are not secure with self will look at others and without knowing the person, envy that person…reaching out for friendship; acceptance. Really, no one wants to feel invisible or ignored. It can be the same for an adult who had “everything” as a child, but the adult world is not kind to them. Therefore, they will do what they need to do to fiend that addiction—ACCEPTANCE.

When that person doesn’t accomplish their goals, they develop a dislike for the people who are being recognized for the same deed. They may become depressed (what most terms miserable), and we have been taught that “misery loves company”.  In an attempt to befriend you, through no fault of their own (really, they don’t know who they are and may be suffering from depression), they are doing all they can to take your place…replace your image with a negative portrait and belittle you to others.

It is no different with online friends—social networking; you will find people that do not show you their true self/personality. It is easier to do create a false sense-of-identity behind a computer monitor. You can truly be whoever or whatever you desire in ten strokes of a keyboard.

Is it really worth it? Giving up on you? Trying to be someone you are not…go somewhere you don’t want to go or know you cannot go; be someone you don’t want to be… just to BELONG? Learn to accept yourself. Build a relationship with yourself. Fall in love with yourself—INTENSIVELY.  No one defines you, but YOU; therefore, ALWAYS to thine ownself be TRUE!

"i found god in myself …and i loved her..i loved her fiercely"

from for colored girls by— Ntozake Shange

http://twitter.com/ErinsEcho

Reference:

Wyhe, J. (2002) editor. The complete work of Charles Darwin online.  Available from http://darwin-online.org.uk/

Recommended readings:

Elizabeth Heubeck’s article, Teen peer pressure: Raising a peer-pressure-proof child

Ntozake Shange, For colored girls who have considered suicide/ when the rainbow is enuf

Erin’s Echo ©2011. All rights reserved.

~live, laugh, love~

Jesse Mae Leggitte
5 Aug 36 - 25 May 08

On August 5, 1936, Jesse and Everline Powell gave birth to the eldest of their five daughters, Jessie Mae Powell Leggitte. Jessie was very opinionated and outspoken. She was loved and respected for her no non-sense character.   If a person said something in the presence of Jessie and she did not agree with it, they would be told exactly how she felt, and then she would feed them (the entire time rolling her eyes and tooting her nose). If you look up live, laugh, and love, you would find a picture of Jesse Mae Powell Leggitte!

Growing up, Auntee was more like my grandmother. Last year, I remember writing a poem to her, “What You Mean to Me”. I needed my daughters to understand my relationship with the woman I simply called, “Auntee” . In the poem, I stated, “you were my Mon!” My daughters (all the nephews and nieces) call my Mahm, “MON”. To them Mon equates to Grandma. I watch my Mahm with them, they have their own bond. She cuddles with them…laughs and talks with them…spoils them…and allows them to get away with little things I could never get away with. That was Auntee! She named me; she doted on me; she fussed over me; she fussed at me; she guided me; directed me; SHE LOVED ME!

She was such a great teacher for me! That teaching goes beyond my eye rolling and love for guns; even my cursing and no non-sense attitude! I have the ability to find positives in all negative situations,  I possess tough love, the desire to help others reach their full potential, and I love my family, but will tell them how I feel about any and all and keep it moving!

I loved her bond with her husband, daughter, her sons, her grands, her sisters, her friends, her co-workers, and her community. Most of all I loved her relationship with my Mahm and with me! She was my Mahm’s big sissy, counselor, fashion police, body guard, and partner in comics! There was no TV show better than the live stage show of Jessie and Lula! So many people wonder why I use “so is the bear!” and “so is the pope!”, and my honest answer is because Auntee and Mahm used them (sadly today I still don’t know what they mean). Auntee and Mahm would sit, talk, and laugh until they cried.

As I type this dedication, I see Mahm trying to get through a joke, but she laughs too hard at her own jokes and I can see Auntee ~you have to know this look~ looking at Mahm with that, “you really make me sick” look. It was a half-smile, half-hurry up! While Mahm’s head is tossed back laughing, Auntee would say, “Awe shit; you messing up the joke, Lula!” My Mahm would laugh so hard, then Auntee would start laughing and take over the jokes. Thanks to them, I know that people can get ugly crying. Ugly to the fact that “they look like a bear eating cornbread”! I know and understand that no one is ugly, it is “just habit for them to look the way they look”.

My Mahm, Lula & My Auntee Jessie

Auntee would fuss my daughter, Kennedi, out for playing with her figurines on the fireplace! When Kennedi would pout, Auntee would roll her eyes and tell her to, “shut up!” Then she would turn to me, do the silent hand clap, left her legs up in “her chair", and laugh. I would say, “Not nice, Auntee!” She would roll her eyes and I immediately got angry with myself because once AGAIN, I had to hear which child gave her which figurine, “Ricky, Chrissy, Michael Charles, Anita, or “my baby” Timmy Ray!  Then Auntee would tell Kennedi she could play with one of the non-breakable figures over by the fish aquarium. Aw, that is too precious! However, Kennedi is like me and would say, “NO!” Her feelings were hurt and Auntee would say, “I don’t care with your spoil self!” Roll her eyes and make Kennedi give her a hug. Then Kennedi would go get a figure/toy, and Auntee would say, “I thought you didn’t want to play with anything!” ~I’m so laughing right now~.

Before I could get back to Mahm’s house, Auntee already had called  her and told her everything that happened and everything we talked about. Yes, I would confide things in Auntee that I didn’t tell my Mahm.

My last time seeing Auntee was November 2007. We came home to visit for Thanksgiving. We were sitting  in her room. Uncle HB and Kendol came with Kendol’s car. They decided Kendol needed a car versus the SUV due to the rise in gas prices. She sent my husband out to look at Kendol’s car with him. Then she talked to me about my marriage, my health, my Mahm, and a few more personal issues that needed to be addressed. I felt as if she knew this would be our last face-to-face talk. I cried; she cried; she held me! I can still see Phil’s face as he walked back to the room, she told him, “Take care of her!” and started asking about how he likes the color of Kendol’s car like our conversation never took place.

I cried so hard! When we got to Mahm’s I was still crying and she said, “Jessie Mae didn’t mean to upset you, Girl. That’s just how she is!” She smiled to try to comfort me, but I still felt empty.

I called Auntee every Sunday like I had been doing since I left Alabama in 2006. On May 25^th of 2008, my sister called me. I had overslept and was late calling Auntee so I told her I was just getting dressed. She informed me Auntee had died! I had not called her. I felt awful. I felt empty.

As I waited for my children to get home, I went to my closet to get JesseBear and the picture of Auntee and me he held in his arms.  I kept him in a plastic bag to keep his scent—he smelled like her house. Auntee gave me JesseBear when I was little! I took him to visit here when I was living in Montgomery! She could not believe I still had him. My greatest regret is I took meds to calm myself and forgot to put JesseBear up and he lost his scent, but I still have some things that are priceless: her guidance, her teachings, and her love! All I know is, if I am half the sister, wife, mother, Auntee, and godmother to my siblings, spouse, children, and nieces and nephews that Auntee was, I’m a very special lady who is loved unlimited.

I miss you today, Auntee. I missed you yesterday and I will miss you tomorrow!

....you are not alone

Artist: Octavia Wright of  Art by Taye

Have you ever just felt like you are left in a world of crime and delusion all by yourself? No one understands your thoughts and your fears. You feel that you cannot trust anyone, and you are suspicious of everyone. Why? You have been made to feel that you do not matter…no one cares…so you retreat inside of yourself and suffer in silence.

Alice Walker’s The Color Purple (1982) tells the story of Celie Harris Johnson. Readers of the novel and viewers of the movie are shared a brief portion of Celie’s childhood. I often wonder, does anyone ever ask themselves, “Why is the story told through letters? Why doesn’t Celie talk to people…only God?”

Think back to after the birth of Celie’s daughter, Olivia. Her stepfather told her, “You better not never tell nobody but God; it’ll kill yo momma” (Walker, 1982). He instilled that fear in Celie. He made her feel that everything that was happening was her fault, and if her Momma ever knew about these things, she would die from hurt and disappointment in Celie. Thus, Celie suffered in silence—she was sexually molested; she endured physical, emotional, and mental violence from the hands and mouths of her stepfather, “Pa” and her husband, “Mister”.  

How many Celie’s do you know?

Domestic Violence Statistics (2011) reports,

• Every 9 seconds in the United States, a woman is assaulted or beaten.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.

• Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.

• Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.

• Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

• Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern.

Can anybody hear them? Their whispers? Their cries? Can you sense the pleading in their eyes through the black and blue tattoos by a fist artist? “Help me,” they say!

To all the Celie’s of the world, Diamond’s House, Inc  hears you! Diamond’s House has answered, “Until violence stops, Diamond’s House will be there to offer SHELTER and HOPE!”

On August 13, 2011, Diamond’s House will start its STOP THE VIOLENCE CAMPAIGN with a kickoff awareness, resource, and support event to be held at Virginia Sports Hall of Fame & Museum,206 High Street, Portsmouth, Virginia  23704 from 1:00PM—3:00PM. This is a free event.

Companies and individuals can help this campaign by sponsoring your business or yourself with your logo advertised for a donation of $25. All donations go towards the STOP THE VIOLENCE campaign. Registrations and donations can be made online using EventBrite or you may contact Diamond’s House directly:

Phone: (757) 535-0924; email: DiamondHouse01@gmail.com; website: www.diamondshouse.org; or mail: Diamond’s House Inc.—P.O. Box 7697, Portsmouth, VA 23707.

Let’s fight the good fight TOGETHER to break the silence and stop the violence! You are not alone!

“Like a flower, bloom into the beauty of you…petal by petal. Break the silence! You are a precious gem. Stop the violence”. ~Diamond’s House~

Diamond’s House is an all volunteer organization and a 501(c)(3) non-profit corporation with the IRS. All donations are tax deductible under the federal law.

Erin Adams-Phillips ©2010. Erin’s Echo. All rights reserved.