...it is what it is

MarJean Mays 25 Aug 65 -26 Nov 08 

Well, here I go again. I put on a smile and do what I have to do to survive. I keep hearing you say, “Dee, you should make “time to stop surviving to live and just start living” your motto”.  I would look at you, roll my eyes, and mock you, “it is what it is”.  Then you would look at me and roll your eyes and I would laugh.  You were such a selfless person…a true, real friend. Always told me what you thought was right. You never told me what you thought I wanted to hear. You loved me…never judged me. 

I keep thinking how you tried to talk to me…I wouldn’t listen. I was so selfish. You needed me to listen; I cut you off. You just said, “Okay, Dee, I’m sorry!” I keep remembering holding your hands, giving you a manicure. Your nails were so long and pretty! The girls were making you laugh. If anyone had told me that would be my last time with you, I would so redo that do and shut my mouth and just let you talk.  As always, I avoided a needed conversation. Still, you loved me.

You were such a happy person. Today, I will be happy! I won’t be sad. Instead, I will reflect on what we would be doing if you were here. Yep, we would be talking sports!! We would be happy Chad 8-5 is gone from Cinci…boy, bye! And happy there is no T.O. on the Bengals. Though we love T.O., he just needs to go home! Boy, bye! We would be hoping Marvin Lewis was next LOL and tap dancing about #9, Carson Palmnomore! Elbow check….WD-40! ~tin man~ LOL

MarJean & her smile

I would try to talk about Vick and Ray Lewis to stay on football so we don’t go to basketball. You would tell me, I told you about the NBA! I would roll my eyes. You would start, “I don’t know how you like sports and don’t like college basketball”…I will just HUSH because I already know I can’t win this battle. You would lecture me, and then proudly smile showing your beautiful gap! I would smile, like I was defeated and then I would turn my hearing aids back on LOL. ~I’m such a bad friend~. 

Wish I could clown Floyd to you! No one understands how I can say he is one of my favorite athletes yet, I say I "NEED" to see him fight PacMan. You understand that boxing is physical, but the mental regulates the physical. I don't think Floyd's mental can outlast Pacqui. You would just laugh and of course agree, right? Like Bernard; I told you Bernard is a manipulator LOL. Can't help if I love him...can't help that his opponents feel for it! Oh man! Sugar Shit Moseley LOL God, I miss me some you! PacMan is a great boxer, M&M. His tenacity...his mental...he's a hard hitter...I really hope Floyd give me this fight. He's fighting next month ~roll eyes~ but not Pacqui ~go figure~. 

Your god-daughters ~oh my~...I would text you in the early morning…your god-babies headed out to the 1st day of school on your born day M&M. They are so grown! We would laugh about how they are developing and how they have my sassy mouth but their daddy looks! You loved them so much! I can’t even fake trying to type this…some days I get so conflicted. I want badly to be like you…positive and strong-willed.

I keep hearing you say, “Dedee, you try to be everything to everybody. You are going to BREAK; you are only human.” As I struggled with a title for my book you had been pushing me to publish, I thought of that…I thought of you. My book is titled, “Broken Angel”. 

Lucky the Cat

I love you MarJean. I miss you. Cincinnati is just not the same without you…I close my eyes and see us crying laughing about Lucky fat self! I still say that cat ate a human! ~smile~ The girls miss you! Phil misses you. You are loved and thought of EVERY DAY!