every little girl dreams pt2: just when you think you have overcome the odds

Suggestion: Read every little girl dreams before reading part 2

©Erin’s Echo. 2012. All rights reserved.

You would think by now we had beaten the odds. How many times can one couple separate, file for divorce, cancel proceedings, and continue on in love and matrimony?  The matrimony part is easy. The loving part is easier, when you are happy—happy with self and happy when times are good. 

When you are married, you keep on till you reach your breaking point…everyone has a breaking point. They can tolerate this but not that; that is what caused the straw to break the camel’s back.  

How many times do I forgive? What do I forgive? Should I stay? Should I go?That is when I stand in front of the mirror and recite one of my favorite scriptures, Colossians 3:13—

“Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Even as Jehovah freely forgave YOU, so do YOU also”. ~New World Translation~

Many relate this scripture to their spiritual brothers and sisters; while that is accurate, it can totally be used for marriages—after all, this is the arrangement designed by God. 

Still, we separated again. This separation was different from all the others. The first two separations, my husband left me. I have never left my husband. The third separation was a mutual agreement between the two of us. Separation number one was due to lies, denial, lack of trust, and yes, infidelity. Separation two was due to lack of communication and spousal neglect. Separation three was because of lack of support, ineffective communication, and not valuing the institution of marriage. When you allow other people into your marriage, you weaken the bond joined by man and wife. 

How did we determine if our marriage was solid: concrete, water, sand, or quicksand!? Simple; it is not complicated at all. I state all the time, we were born with the natural affection to love, hate is symbolic for confusion, and I don’t care is symbolic for I don’t care; but intimate love…loving someone like no other…the feeling of being in love is simple. If you can’t see yourself happy without them; if you cry when you think of the goodness you felt while with them; when you see them, you want to hug them and take away your pain while healing their own…if you know you have not put your best-foot forward, given 100/100, then it is possible to reconcile (this is not always true for every marriage). 

For us, Phil & me, it was simply focusing on why I married him/her; not why we separated. What do we need and want from marriage? The answer, love, intimacy, friendship, support, laughter…happiness—mutual happiness. 

The divorce rate is so high today. In 2010, in the United States alone, there were 2,096,000 marriages and 872,000 divorce/annulments (CDC/NCHS, 2012). Why? In most marriages today, spouses decide not to fight for their marriage; they give up, because they become selfish—self-involved, “[People] will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty…unthankful, disloyal, having no natural [or, familial] affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:2-4, New World Translation).

They feel divorce will make them happy. They see freedom in a world full of single people and they desire it. These are simply temptations. We seek guidance from family, friends, therapists, but not from God. Some of us are being misguided, misled by the desires of the unmarried world. We become selfish in our thinking and move from what “we” need to what “I” need. Mostly, those “needs” are “wants”. Selfish wants that arise from temptations. You see a woman or man…a lifestyle “you” don’t have and “you” want it. You don’t pray and ask to be delivered from temptations. So when an adulterated thought turns to chance, most of us act on it and we learn that the grass is not always greener (be sure to read my essay in my upcoming memoir: When the greener grass turns blue).

In my marriage, and I can speak for both Phil and I when I state this, we have felt unsupported, unloved, un-united, disrespected, & the one I am about to state now is common in marriages today, UNAPPRECIATED! 

These feelings of neglect can lead to unlawful relationships, infidelity, and distrust. You can have an innocent relationship with someone of the opposite sex, but feel guilty so you try to cover and it comes off as “sneaky”…ungodly. 

Is our marriage solid now or is it hollow? My answer, my marriage is my marriage. Besides what I voluntarily share, nothing else is of anyone’s concern and we are not concerned with what anyone else think. It is hard work, but I don’t do easy and I always remember that, “Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4: 8-9, New World Translation).

In our home, we keep a family photo/scrapbook. There are like 3 pages dedicated to our marriage, and things we must do to fireproof (envy proof...gossip proof...trick/mutt proof) our marriage. I read these at least once daily. Are we good now? Will we separate again? Possibly divorce? 

I don’t know. I don’t focus on that. I focus on what we must do to avoid separation and divorce. If it comes to that, at least we will know we put our best foot forward and gave 100/100. I hope anyone reading this with doubts on a marriage growing stronger and love fonder, will consider that it is possible to grow and strengthen marriage and love!

Thank you for reading...I love yous!

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Some of my favorite scriptures:

Scriptures to keep in mind about love & marriage:

It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.”—Genesis 2:18

Hence Jehovah God had a deep sleep fall upon the man and, while he was sleeping, he took one of his ribs and then closed up the flesh over its place. And Jehovah God proceeded to build the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman and to bring her to the man. Then the man said: “This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one will be called Woman, Because from man this one was taken.” That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.—Genesis 2:21-24

“What God has yoked together let no man put apart.”—Matthew 19:6

“Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”—1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”—1 Peter 4:8

“Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from YOU along with all badness. But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave YOU.”—Ephesians 4: 31, 32

Marriage and Commitment

Unselfish Love “In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself,  for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it…” Ephesians 5:28, 29

Building a Foundation “According to the undeserved kindness of God that was given to me, as a wise director of works I laid a foundation, but someone else is building on it. But let each one keep watching how he is building on it.”—1 Corinthians 3:10

Submission “YOU wives, be in subjection to [your] husbands, as it is becoming in [the] Lord. YOU husbands, keep on loving [your] wives and do not be bitterly angry with them.—Colossians 3: 18, 19

Obligation “What you vow, pay. Better is it that you vow not than that you vow and do not pay.”—Ecclesiastes 5: 4, 5

Teamwork “Two are better than one…for if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up.”—Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10

Self-Sacrifice “There is more happiness in giving than there is receiving.”—Acts 20:35

Longevity “Love…endures all things”—1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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...every little girl dreams: Is my marriage really over?

© 2012. Erin’s Echo. Erin Adams-Phillips. All rights reserved.

Every little girl dreams of Prince Charming and a fairytale wedding. Walking down a white-runner aisle laced in rose petals with all eyes upon her...admiring her. Today she marries her friend, but tomorrow and the next tomorrow is when the test of compromise and compassion begin. You are now man and wife. You can kiss the fairytale goodbye. Or do you?

Erin & Phil, 1994

Many may not understand that marriage is an institution...an arrangement designed by God. When you hear the word institution, do you not immediately think insanity, education, ...money? Arrangement...an agreement...organized, well thought out plan...arranged so it is effective. A flower arrangement. Growth.

For better and for worse. For richer and for poorer. In sickness and in health. I will honor this arrangement until departed from my spouse by death (physical death, emotional death...physical of course).

~with liberty & justice for all...wait wrong topic...I DO~

Be assured, the worse, poorer, and sickness shall come. Is your foundation solid? Concrete...water? Sand, quicksand...solid? What solidifies a marriage? How do I know if my marriage is really over?   ~raises hand anxiously~

After three (yes 3) separations and  filing for divorce, I was ready to pass out the invites to my Divorce reception; and Phil, well, he was ready to attend. He had the audacity to ask me, "How many people can I invite, Dee?" ~scoffs~ I'm the Bride-to-un-be, you are not stealing my show! ~dang~

Really, I told him we would do everything in reverse order. The DiMarriage would  take place in a funeral home...he picked Montgomery, Alabama for location to be fair to traveling relatives. His family would sit on my side...my family would sit on his side; we would  have funeral songs played, "The Works I've Done"...we would say our eulogies...and my Daddy would hesitate on taking me back because, "I ain't neva gave hurr away!" My Mahm would roll her eyes and say, "I take my baby back!" Daddy would be asking is that gonna cost him any money, "Ain't it cheaper to let him keep hurr?" I would give him the evil , spoil eye. 

Phil sisters would be like, "Heyyyy" and blowing out the unity candles. My sister would be taking notes on how to have a bigger DiMarriage and reception than me. It would be all in the name of love!

Headed out to celebrate 9th Wediversary 2009

However, we never made it! ~kissteeth, roll eyes~

For the second time in our 12 year marriage,  we cancelled divorce proceedings. Now, get this, we have been together 18 years. We married in 2000,but we separated in 2002 for almost 4 years. Yes, we did...we were dating each other and working on self and marriage and we reconciled in late 2005 and relocated to Ohio in 2006. 

It was good...it was so good! We were both so happy. Then along comes sickness. Sickness brought along poorer. Poorer invited worse. Battling depression from losing my Auntee and best friend to death in the span of 6 months sent me to a place...a dark place...a lonely place. I neglected my husband. I was a functional zombie. I yelled, cried, and embraced myself in a fetal position until I found sleep. Eventually, he left. I didn't care. I'm not even sure I noticed. 

We were separated and I had not told him about my health issues. I totally forgot I had his sister listed as a point of contact. Well, my doctor office called his sister looking for me and that is  how Phil found out I had  taken a biopsy and it was inconclusive and they would need to schedule me for a tissue sample biopsy. I decided to keep my plans to visit my family in Alabama for the holidays. It is like 2008 now. When I got there, I told them I was sick and having test ran. My sister, Bonita is the only one who knew I was sick before I told my family.

To make a long story short, I was critically sick  for 2 years. Phil and I reconciled in May 2010 after a 2-year separation. The reconciliation this time, we thought I was dying. In all honesty, the Doctor told him my health was declining at a rapid pace. This was the second time a doctor told him he may lose his wife to death (the first was in 2006). If you do not know what love looks like, the look we gave each other at hearing that news was the look of love! Not sympathy...not regret...but love...true love. 

Stay tuned to part 2 of "every little girl dreams"  to read about yet, another separation and how we determined if our marriage was solid: concrete, water, sand, or quicksand! 

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…the measure of time

©2012. Erin’s Echo. Erin Adams-Phillips. All rights reserved.

Often, I hear people say, “Life is short”. Then others contradict it and ask, “Why does God allow suffering so long in this bad world?” Then there are those who say, “Oh, I can’t believe they ended their marriage after 20 years. That’s a long time to be with somebody!” 

Art by Michael Arkhipov

So, do I feel life is short? Do I feel as if we are suffering for a long time? Is 20 years too long to end a marriage? That depends upon the WHO you are and how you measure time. My goal is that this blog will give you a critical look through my eyes and possibly, the eyes of others, in a way that respects individual’s personal beliefs. 

I do not feel that life is short. I feel that most of us wait too long to take advantage of the good that life has to offer; therefore, when badness sets in, some feel there wasn’t time enough in life—though it was self-prolonged and not inhibited by any other factor, except SELF . Most of us spend so much time complaining…not appreciating what we have and searching for things we do not need that we get trapped in a numerical goal—confining ourselves to limits that should be unlimited.  

Is God being selfish by making us suffer the ugliness of this world? God is not selfish. God is not partial. What He does for the righteous, He does for the unrighteous without a second thought. He warned us that Satan had been kicked out of heaven and told us to beware. He gave us warning signs and told us how to endure. He stated that all will know Him…ALL does not mean SOME to God…it means ALL; so, if one of those ALLs does not know Him, this selfless, loving, God is not going to deny that person the chance of knowing Him and taking in accurate knowledge of Him. 

Is 20 years a long time to end a marriage? Depends on who you ask. I know people who have been married 60 years. Look at it this way. Sarah gave birth to Isaac when she was 90 years old…90! Today, we have kids skipping grades in high school—graduating early. There are teenagers with IQ's of 130 or more. We have 40-year olds graduating from college. We have 30-year old grandparents. 

Is life short? Ask a 13-year old who suffers from a terminal illness and battles it daily with the wisdom of an 80-year old and a smile upon his/her face. 

Is God allowing us to suffer?Ask a 50-year old whose mindset was ruined and clouded by drugs, molestation, and abuse, who finally received the right heart condition and mindset to accept the accurate knowledge of God. 

Is 20 years too long to leave a marriage? Ask a wife who has been beat 19 years 362 days of that marriage! Ask a husband who sat at home every night for 15 years wondering if his wife was dead or alive because she has a drug addiction and he wanted to stand by her—until he felt himself dying trying to love and support her…waiting for change! 

Measuring life’s time is not like Algebra and Geometry…there is no equation or formula you can use to determine if it is too long or if it is too short. It is about acceptance, perseverance, long-suffering—endurance. It is personal for you and it is personal for me. 

The surest formula we have for life’s measure is:

There is only one ALPHA…one OMEGA…one BEGINNING…one END…one FIRST…one LAST…

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…Double Standards—Cheaters: The art of infidelity

Like a thief in the night, she silently crept into their home; tapped Robert on the shoulder—placed her index finger over her lips to silence him and proceeded to lead him to the garden. As she bit seductively into a ripe tomato, the hues of orange and red trickled down her full, juicy lips. She smiled, and teased her mouth with his finger—removing the juice from her lip, her chin with his finger and feeding herself. She moaned when she tasted the overly ripe vegetable juice. Her body pulsated when she sucked his long, masculine finger. She groaned as she smashed the tomato over her breast, daring him to indulge with her provocative eyes. ~from Infidelity by Erin Adams-Phillips~

Commandments...Laws...Morals...Ethics...Principles—created by God, enforced by man, instilled by parents, practiced by self, defined by knowledge.  What is marriage? Is it a business? The joining of unity of man and woman?  Biblically, marriage is an arrangement designed by God for man and woman to form a bond of union. Generally speaking, to me, society has mocked marriage as an institution that is established and common. Therefore, most people do not take their vows seriously and may defile the marital bed. Ironically, mainstream society has accepted the infidelity of men; however, if a woman cheats, she is frowned upon by society.

In Nathaniel Hawthrone's The Scarlet Letter, Hester had to wear the letter A in scarlet because she committed adultery. Today, women do not have to wear a scarlet letter; however, society and its teachings condemn woman who are unfaithful to their spouse.

Oftentimes, when a man cheats and the wife becomes aware of the betrayal, she will forgive him and try to save her marriage. Still, nevertheless, when a woman cheats, most husbands leave and the wife is labeled with degrading names—whore, slut, tramp, trick, skeezer.

This is one of society’s most notorious double standards. It is accepted by most people…he cheated…he is just a man…a man is going to be man…if she was doing what she was supposed to do, he would not have cheated…and the babbling accusations having wives questioning oneself, “What did I do wrong?” “What could I have done differently?” “If I had made love to him more often, he would not have strayed!”

What Is, if Is, could Is, and would Is, are not going to lessen the hurt of infidelity. Keep telling yourself that if that is what you need to believe, because in retrospect, there is nothing the unconsenting spouse did to cause the betrayal. That is just an inexcusable excuse for the consenting spouse's selfish behavior.

Surviving Infidelity (2010) states, “Women are more prone to forgiving infidelity than men are, and one reason may be that secretly she feels responsible for the affair. This could be part of what you are feeling if your husband or boyfriend has cheated on you. While it is true that no relationship is destroyed by one partner, you should be careful about how much responsibility you take for infidelity because it is a slippery slope. Before you know it, you could be in a relationship with chronic cheating”.

Marriage Savior (2011) states, “Why are men less tolerant and more hurt of infidelity than women? Do you know what I found? Women develop feeling when they cheat, men don’t. When men cheat it is all about sex”.

This double standard is so embraced…so accepted…that women kill their self-esteem and are blinded of their self-worth. Two wrongs do not make a right. Never lower yourself to try to get even with your spouse…you will only end up hating yourself. Defy society norms. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself and wanting better for you. People can only do to us what we allow them to do.

I’m here to tell you….you can put out sex 6 days a week, cook breakfast lunch and dinner, clean your house, and wash the cars, if your mate wants to cheat, you have no part in that and you cannot stop it...you MUST NOT own it—the only intimate life you control is the one you have with your spouse.

No one is perfect. Temptation knocks on everyone's door. Love of self helps one to resist temptation. When you love your spouse as you love you and your own body, you will be God-fearing and resist temptation...you will not want to bring pain to the person you love. Love is selfless. Adultery is an act of selfishness regardless if the spouse committing the act is the husband or the wife. 

Marriages can survive infidelity. No one other than husband and wife belongs in the decision to continue or discontinue their marriage, though seeking counsel is wise. There is adultery that strengthens a marriage and adultery that ends it totally. Acts of adultery can destine the consenting and/or the unconsenting spouse to help others who are going through a similar situation.

Hester with Babe Pearl (1934)

Hawthrone (1850 ) writes, “.. . As Hester Prynne had no selfish ends, nor lived in any measure for her own profit and enjoyment, people brought all their sorrows and perplexities, and besought her counsel, as one who had herself gone through a mighty trouble (Hawthorne 185). Hester, though still haunted and identified by the scarlet letter, aimed to ensure she lived her life lovingly and forgivingly, the way Jesus Christ taught his followers to live by teaching others about the art of infidelity.

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….simple: because it is natural

I often speak on how I don’t care to follow society norms. I am humbled to have been asked a double question by one of my loyal readers: (1) Erin what exactly do you mean when you write “society norms”? I answered that question via email…then I was asked (2) well, why is there so much pressure on us (men) to get married by our girlfriends? Answer that one on your blog…we will be reading, please!

Society norms: Sociology Guide (2011) states, “Social norms grow out of social value and both serve to differentiate human social behavior from that of other species. The significance of learning in behavior varies from species to species and is closely linked to processes of communication. Only human beings are capable of elaborate symbolic communication and of structuring their behavior in terms of abstract preferences that we have called values. Norms are the means through which values are expressed in behavior. Norms generally are the rules and regulations that groups live by”.

My general explanation of society norms is that they are determined by ancestral cultural practices and emerging trends of present-day society.  For every ounce of life, society determines what is “normal” for their country. Albeit, this may differ in the same country for race, ethnicity, gender, and age. Society has pretty much determined everything from social class to disturbing behaviors. They did not leave one stone unturned.  

In the United States, it is normal for children to go to school…continue on to college…get a job…get married…have babies…you know; the norm? However, in some countries, children leave school to marry young or to help with the family finances by working a job…many as young as 12 years of age. That is not “normal” for our culture; however, our culture is not normal for the cultures of other countries. 

Conditioned Thinking: Because norms are defined by society, most of us are conditioned to think that what is “normal” is right. However, my “normal” may not be your “normal”, and the difference in normality opens the door for the uninvited guest—contradiction. Two of the most popular contradictions in America are having children and marriage. 

It not uncommon for people (so be they are single or married…male or female) to oppose having a child. Some people are more career-focused and goal-oriented and feel that a baby will hamper that drive. Some people just like to travel or be free to go without worrying about a babysitter. Many do not want the responsibility of raising children.  Still, others feel they are not parent material or refuse to bring a baby into this troubled world.  Yet, the conditioned thinking birthed from society has people asking, “You don’t want kids? 

What’s wrong with you?”  The answer is, “Nothing, I am just wise enough to know I do not want to restrict self to be a mother/father”. 

Just like it is natural for some people to not want to assist God in the miracle of birth, likewise, it is natural for men and women to desire to become one unit by becoming wedded husbands and wives. Marriage was designed by God. “Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him” (Gen 2:18, NLT).  God goes on to say “He who finds a wife finds a good thing… (Prov 18:22, ESV). “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife” (Mark 10:7, NLT).

"..and the two shall become one flesh"

No matter how many people you know who get a divorce…no matter how many people you know who cohabitate…the desire to become one unit…one flesh…lawful, wedded husband and wife will always be center-heart and forefront. Women want to marry because IT IS NATURAL. They don’t want to marry to lay claim…they want to be that helper God made just for man. 

I will say this, marriage is the arrangement designed by God for a man and a woman with God. Marriage is not easy…but when you allow God into a marriage, the 3-stranded chord makes your marriage THAT much stronger.  

Should men be pressured to marry? 

NOT at all!! In any arrangement, if you do something you are not ready to do, 9 times out of 10 it will FAIL. Women, you have to accept what is being given to you and act accordingly. If you want marriage and he does not, you can either stay stuck in the dead end relationship or recognize your worth and leave (this is vice versa). Too, read carefully the scripture at Genesis …the key words are “just right for him”. Man desires a woman that compliments him. If you are in a relationship and the man does not want to marry, maybe he wants marriage, but not to you or maybe he likes the marriage lifestyle without the commitment. In order to know, you must ask and then act. 

I will ECHO this to both man and woman…it is BETTER to be single and lonely than married and miserable!

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...thank you for watering my roses

© 2009, 2011 by Erin Adams-Phillips, Erin’s Echo. All rights reserved.

People are often intrigued when I state there is a difference between nude and naked; self-image and self-esteem. Well, I am no ordinary person. One of my all-time favorite quotes is, “You were born an original; don’t die a copy” ~John Mason~.

I have always and I will always be my own unique person, living in my own little unique world, which is just a spot in a world normalized by society. Still, I must water my roses. My hope is that I, too, water your roses as you in turn water my own.

Nude versus naked

I am a very spiritual person ~note I did not say religious~. Though many of the things I write will have a biblical or spiritual sense, I am not being bias. As you read with me, remember, you are in that spot…my own little unique world. My thoughts. My whispers. My cries.

Nudity is a form of art. It was originated by God. It is meant to be seen without embarrassment or shame. In a moment’s instance, a husband can make a wife or a wife can make a husband go from being nude to naked. How so?

In the Garden of Eden, Adam & Eve were both nude before they ate from the tree of knowledge of good & bad. Genesis 3:10, 11 states how Adam hid himself from God because he was “naked”. Naked equates to shame or not wanting another to see your uncovered body. If you were at your home in the shower, would you not be uncomfortable if a stranger entered your home and saw you in the shower? You will quickly cover yourself and chances are you will not feel secure.

When you are nude, you do not feel the shame nor embarrassment. A spouse may tell the other spouse how beautiful they are in their nudity. There is no shame about size, color, or scars. They make the other feel handsomely beautiful & adorably beautiful in their nudity. Isn’t that a great feeling? To be able to embrace the nude self…without fear …to feel secure in it? Loved in it?

Self-image versus self-esteem

Among women mostly, we are quick to say, “She has low self-esteem”. A woman and man can have great self-esteem and poor self-image. What is the difference in Erin’s world? Self-image is the visual self whereas self-esteem is the mental self. One can be very aware that they are attractive, yet still detest parts of their body (self-image). They may not like their nose, their hair, the size of their breasts, their height…any physical image of self is a lack of loving one’s self-image.

You can see the damage to my lip here

Who is better to use as an example than myself…I have average self-esteem. I am not conceited. I am not arrogant. I like to describe my physical features as a “gowitable” person. I do not think I am pretty. I do not think I am ugly. I’m average. Still, as a 9-month old child, an accident left me with a forever scar on my already full lips. In 2006, a car accident burst that same lip causing damage that could not be repaired even by cosmetic surgery. After three consults, the surgeons stated, “It would only make it worse”.  I still struggle with those scars. I refuse to wear colored lipstick. My lips don’t need any help getting attention. That is a lack of loving my self-image.

A woman who has breast cancer and must have a mastectomy may have great self-esteem, but battle self-image. She may feel less than because she does not have her original breasts. The scars may bother her and she may be misconstrued as having low or no self-esteem.

The average height of a male is approximately 5 feet 9 inches tall. Therefore, a male that stands 5 feet 4 inches may feel intimidated by women who are 5’6 or taller. They may have average self-esteem, yet have a lack of love for their self-image.

Bridging the gap

How does the two tie together? When a person looks at you and sees your heart, nothing physical matters. I teach my kids (I even went as far as writing a song for them entitled, “Beauty Comes from Within”), that it doesn’t matter what you look like…it doesn’t matter if a person says “you are so cute!” It doesn’t matter if a person says, “your body is banging!”. It doesn’t matter if a person says, “you have the prettiest hair!”. All of that is irrelevant if that person does not see your heart. Your heart captures the essence of your beauty.

My husband & me

So, who cares if I don’t like the scar on my lip? I am loved by a man who loves my lips, scars and all. He traces them with his fingers. Smiles when I talk. He makes me feel beautiful. I embrace my nudity in his presence, because I know that he sees my heart; my physical characteristics are only added bonuses.

People, remember that your brain serves as the birthing & resting place of your thoughts. Compare them to a garden. If you plant roses in a garden, you grow roses. If you plant NOTHING, you grow WEEDS. Weeds are troublesome & unsightly. Thank you for watering my roses.

Musical Inspiration for today:

Musiq Soulchild- Don't Change

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Musical Inspiration for today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzBD8t0sB-4&ob=av2n