…the art of forgiving—how far does “sorry” really go?

© Erin Adams-Phillips

Forgiveness is one of the biggest acts of kindness and love gifted to mankind. Being created in the image of God, His word commands us to “Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another”.(Col. 3:13). However, in my blog published July 9, 2011 “never changing”, I stated, we cannot forgive as God forgives. He forgives freely. 

So, do I believe in forgiveness? Yes; and I have forgiven. I have been forgiven. Freely? You tell me. I have a personal motto on forgiveness, “I forgive! I forget! Yet, I never forget what I have  forgiven!” Why is that? I’m human. My heart is designed to only take so much of the same from the same because of the same. I think the best way to explain what I just wrote is by quoting one of my literary favorites, Ms. Ntozake Shang (1975), 

“one thing i don’t need is any more apologies…i got sorry greetin me at my front door…you can keep yrs…i don’t know what to do wit em…they dont open doors…or bring the sun back…they dont make me happy…or get a mornin paper…didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars…cuz a sorry” (from for colored girls ).

Sorry is like a tomato. It can be dressed up with almost any food/fault…admired by farmers who grow them in their garden…eaten by little kids as the juices escapes the corners of their innocent mouths…confused by the ones who don’t know that a tomato is actually a fruit and not a vegetable (shhh…that is a well-kept culinary and botanical secret). 

When a celebrity makes an off-the-wall, heartfelt comment that is labeled racist, they come with the public apology, “I’m sorry!” When your child’s teacher lectures them with some assbackwards, backwooded, unprofessional lecture that ends in a threat and your child tells you and you go to the school, you get, “I’m sorry!” When your teen breaks curfew or spouse gets caught in a lie, “I’m sorry!” 

Once you hear the overused phrase, “I’m sorry!” so much, it pretty much loses its sincerity and you think, “You damn sure are…SORRY!” 

Why are apologies so important, yet unimportant? Your feelings can only be hurt…your heart can only be broken…by someone you love…someone you admire…and ironically, someone you are willing to forgive.

If a person doesn’t care if you are a can of paint or can of soda, you cannot emotionally hurt them. Your words are like rubber and bounce right off them.  That is why it is very important to be careful with your words. Words can and words do hurt. BADLY. Make wise choices in your actions. Your actions reflect on those you love…your parents…spouse…children…siblings. No matter how many “sorrys” you say, you cannot take those words nor those actions back. No matter how many times you hear, “I forgive you”, somewhere in your mind you know you have not been forgiven freely, because you know you have not forgiven freely. You know you are tired of accepting everybody’s and anybody’s sorry! Think before you speak. Think before you act. You may just save yourself a lonely trip down Sorry Boulevard.

“i cant get to the clothes in my closet for alla the sorries…i’m gonna tack a sign to my door…leave a message by the phone…‘if you called to say yr sorry…call somebody else…i dont use em anymore’…i let sorry/ didnt meanta/ & how could i know about that…take a walk down a dark & musty street in Brooklyn…i’m gonna do exactly what i want to & i wont be sorry for none of it…letta sorry soothe yr soul/ i’m gonna soothe mine” (from for colored girls, Shang, 1975).